Marshall Quote #940

Quote from Marshall in No Pressure

Marshall: Don't watch that tape!
Lily: Watch that tape! Well, sorry, I just really want to win the bet.
Barney: And here we go.
Marshall: Okay. Okay, fine, Barney. Watch our dirty little home movie, but be forewarned, at about the one minute mark, you're going to see me make this face.
Ted: Oh, God, that's the face you made the day we rode motorcycles.
Marshall: Yeah. Yeah. You really want to see that? And do you want to hear me go, uh... [nasal grunting]
Barney: It can't sound like that. It can't.
Ted: I know that noise, I've heard it through the walls. I thought the neighbors had a sick cat.
Lily: Okay, but, Barney, just remember, you'll also be seeing a lot of this: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's this, but I'm not pregnant.
Marshall: My skin is loose, like an elephant.
Lily: My boobs are perky and plump.
Marshall: I slobber like a confused old dog.
Lily: I slap my own ass.
Marshall: I slap my own ass!
[Barney destroys the VCR]
Ted: Barney, that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR.


 ‘No Pressure’ Quotes

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] And Marshall and Lily explained. It all started ten years earlier. They had been looking for a new hobby they could do as a couple.
[flashback to Ted wearing winter sports gear in the apartment with a bored Lily and Marshall:]
Ted: I already missed the beginner's lesson. Maybe I shouldn't even go. Ah, screw it. I've seen the Olympics.
I know what I'm doing. I'm going skiing, bitches! [exits]
Lily: He's gonna break his leg.
Marshall: He's not gonna break his leg.
Lily: 20 bucks says he does.
Marshall: "Lily bets Marshall that Ted will break his leg skiing." [they shake hands]
[12 hours later, Ted's entire upper body is in a cast and he's wearing a neck brace:]
Ted: You would be amazed. People fall off ski lifts all the time. Well, I gotta hit the head.
Lily: Well, he didn't break his leg. [gives Marshall money]
Marshall: Yeah, I gotta say that, um, making money off this bet just makes me feel...
Lily: More alive than you've felt in years?
Marshall: Yes!
Lily: New hobby!
Marshall: We need a cash box, some glitter and some glue!

Quote from Lily

Ted: Damn it, Lily, why are you rooting against me?
Lily: I'm not rooting against you.
Ted: Yes, you are.
Lily: No, I'm not.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Yes, she was. You see, at that very moment...
[elsewhere, in Marshall and Lily's house:]
Barney: "Long-term bets"? "Lily bets Marshall that Barney will die by murder", "Marshall bets Lily that Robin will never return the hair dryer", "Lily bets Marshall that Ted'll go bald, "Marshall bets Lily that if Ted goes bald, he'll totally pull it off" My God! They're placing bets on our lives. And I'm sorry, Ted cannot pull off bald. You know Ted.
I'm right about this. [cleaners laugh]
[at MacLaren's:]
Lily: Ted, I'm your best friend. Why would I root against you?
Barney: "Lily bets Marshall that Ted and Robin won't end up together."
Future Ted: [v.o.] That's why.

Quote from Barney

Lily: I'm going into the city. Just, while I'm gone, don't go snooping around in our stuff. I know you think we have a sex tape hidden somewhere, so I'll save you the trouble. We don't. Good-bye. [rewind]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Here's that moment from Barney's perspective.
Lily: [droning] We have a sex tape hidden somewhere. [droning]
Barney: Challenge accepted.