Barney Quote #1590

Quote from Barney in The Drunk Train

Quinn: Wow! You have Enormous Penis Syndrome? I've never heard of that.
Barney: Yeah. That's the problem with E.P.S.: lack of awareness. That's why I'm organizing a 10K fun-run. Of course, many of us will need wheelbarrows.
Quinn: You are so brave.
Barney: And you are so understanding. Most people just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak in reinforced underwear.
Quinn: Poor, baby. I can't imagine what you're going through because I never wear underwear.
Barney: Jackpot!
Quinn: You want to get out of here?
Barney: Oh, I don't know. This is all moving kind of fast. Okay.
Quinn: Oh, but before we go, I should mention my condition. It's called: I'm Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder.
Barney: As the former Surgeon General, I've got to say, I don't think that's the real thing.
Quinn: Okay, just stop. You have no chance with me. We're just here as backups for our friends.
Barney: Hey, how did you two meet, anyway?
Quinn: No, we're not doing that first date dance where you pretend everything I say is fascinating, thinking it'll somehow get you into my pants.

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 ‘The Drunk Train’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: What the hell happened on that train? It was absolute chaos.
Barney: Ted, when I was at M.I.T., my favorite Einstein quote was: "God doesn't play dice with the universe."
Ted: You didn't go to M.I.T.
Barney: I didn't?
Ted: Huh. I actually have no idea where you went to college. Who are you?

Quote from Ted

Barney: I was all, "Do I look like I'm from Ronkonkoma?!"
All: Oh...!
Barney: That's all you gotta say!
Ted: Oh, oh, oh, big man with a briefcase! What do you think, you're better than me?!

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, Barney and I found ourselves in a strange, new universe called... The Drunk Train.
Barney: Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? Can you hear its inspiring chant, Ted? I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid. It's-it's The Little Engine with Wood, The Whore-ient Express. The Long Island Tail Road!
Ted: Oh, I got one. Thomas the Spank Engine!
Barney: Ted, that is a children's book.