Lily Quote #576

Quote from Lily in Tailgate

Marshall: Hey. I'm sorry, baby. I just... I want our kid to believe that the universe is magical. You know, like my dad taught me.
Lily: You know what my dad taught me? Nothing... 'cause he was never there. June 22nd, 1996, Brooklyn, New York. A man misses his daughter's high school graduation. Later, she discovers her babysitting money has been spent on a board game called Who Stole The Babysitting Money? He never saw the irony in that. December 31st, 2011. A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. says, 'Great. Thanks,' and hangs up on her.
Marshall: And after pushing her to call him, a Big Foot is discovered in her husband's mouth.
Lily: I'm glad you're a believer, baby, but I'm never gonna believe in an "enigma of the mystical" unless I see it with my own eyes. Because the truth is, my father never taught me believe in anything but myself.
Marshall: Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you, too.
Lily: Then there's a pretty good chance I don't exist.

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 ‘Tailgate’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Ted: Oh, check it out. We worked out a theme song for Puzzles.
Kevin: While I was carrying 100-pound kegs up four flights of stairs? Awesome.
[Ted plays a Cheers-like song on the piano as he and Barney sing:]
Ted: Puzzles is a place where people go To feel like they belong
Barney: Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls
Ted: No, we're not. That would be wrong A place where wit and wisdom bloom
Barney: A place to bang chicks in Ted's room
Ted: Not gonna happen.
Barney: We'll talk about it.
Both: At Puzzles, we all fit together
Kevin: And I'm the bartender!

Quote from Ted

Ted: You'd all be better off coming upstairs to my place for a beer.
Man: Hey, dude. You serious?
Barney: Ted, do you remember a couple years ago, we had the best idea of all time?
[flashback:]
Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course! We could buy a bar! The name of our bar? Puzzles. People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?" That's the puzzle.
[present:]
Ted: A bar where no one's overcharged, where everyone feels valued and respected.
Barney: A bar... where we get chicks drunk and bang them.
Ted: We're opening Puzzles tonight.
Barney: Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight!
Ted: Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles?
Doug: Nope.

 Lily Aldrin Quotes

Quote from Unfinished

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

Quote from The Ashtray

Marshall: Lily!
Lily: Hey, you know the rules. You misbehave, I take away one of your toys. Aldrin Justice, baby.
Marshall: So you're telling me that that ashtray that's been in our apartment for over a year and a half is not only stolen, but also very expensive.
Lily: Both of those things, yes.