Ted Quote #1029
Quote from Ted in Mystery Vs. History
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so the gender remained a secret, but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was. There was only one problem.
Janet: Ted, what's going on?
Ted: Nothing. Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect in New York history to have a skyscraper built?
Janet: Oh.
Ted: So, I'm not quite as far beneath you as you might think.
Janet: Why would I think that?
Ted: No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, and the firemen came and got it out, so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, but at least I didn't ignore it and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass.
Janet: We had one promise, and you broke it.
Ted: What are you talking about?
Janet: You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating.
Ted: Why- Why would I find you intimidating, okay? It's not like I donated a kidney, but I donated blood once, although I wound up fainting, and they had to put it all back in.
Janet: I was so excited about this. But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them.
Ted: No, I ain't! I mean, no, I never do that thing you says. What I mean is, you gooder than me no make difference!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Mystery Vs. History’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] By the fall of 2011, technology had taken a lot of the intrigue out of life. The Internet had everyone's wall of information. Nothing was a mystery anymore. But, kids, there was a time before that, way back in the dark ages.
[the gang at MacLaren's in 2005:]
Ted: Are you people insane?! The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger!
Lily: No way! It's pizza!
Marshall: Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, first name Frank?
Robin: Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox every day till grade eight? Pancakes with maple syrup.
Barney: Thanks, Canada. We're looking for a food the average American eats. Oh! Chinese food.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then came the smartphone.
[the gang at MacLaren's in 2011, everyone staring at their phone:]
Robin: Hey, remember when we were arguing about the most popular food? It's bread.
All: Hmm.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And the barroom debate was dead.
Quote from Robin
Robin: Sweet mother of God! A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon! What? We figured out the Janet thing. I'm catching up on Canada.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: You guys have to see this.
Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.