Ted Quote #1022
Quote from Ted in Mystery Vs. History
Ted: [v.o.] After that, background checks became standard operating procedure.
[flashback to Ted arriving back at the apartment:]
Ted: The date with Nadine went great. Unless you guys found something.
Barney: Are you sitting down?
Ted: No.
Robin: She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges.
Barney: She breeds pit bulls for dog fighting.
Robin: Also, the FBI...
Ted: What's this link?
Robin: Oh, she also writes online movie reviews. Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted...
Ted: [gasps] She gave Annie Hall two out of ten stars? "Slow and overrated"?
Robin: Really? That's your takeaway?
Ted: It's the Wood Man at the height of his powers. The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera? People have been ripping that off ever since.
Robin: [to camera] Can you believe this guy?
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Mystery Vs. History’ Quotes
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] By the fall of 2011, technology had taken a lot of the intrigue out of life. The Internet had everyone's wall of information. Nothing was a mystery anymore. But, kids, there was a time before that, way back in the dark ages.
[the gang at MacLaren's in 2005:]
Ted: Are you people insane?! The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger!
Lily: No way! It's pizza!
Marshall: Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, first name Frank?
Robin: Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox every day till grade eight? Pancakes with maple syrup.
Barney: Thanks, Canada. We're looking for a food the average American eats. Oh! Chinese food.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And then came the smartphone.
[the gang at MacLaren's in 2011, everyone staring at their phone:]
Robin: Hey, remember when we were arguing about the most popular food? It's bread.
All: Hmm.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And the barroom debate was dead.
Quote from Robin
Robin: Sweet mother of God! A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon! What? We figured out the Janet thing. I'm catching up on Canada.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: You guys have to see this.
Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.