Marshall Quote #832

Quote from Marshall in The Perfect Cocktail

Ben: I'm sorry. I don't think you're the kind of person we're looking for. I just got off the phone with Arthur Hobbs over at GNB.
[flashback to Arthur on the phone:]
Arthur: Oh, yeah. I worked with Marshall Eriksen. At least I did when he actually showed up.
[fantasy scene of a tattooed Marshall wearing sunglasses and a sleeveless suit jacket:]
Arthur: Marshall! Hey, it's... it's 2:30. If it's no big deal, we'd sure love it if you tried to get here at least before lunch.
Marshall: Yeah? And I'd sure love to give a rat's ass.
[fantasy:]
Woman: Oh! Mr. Eriksen, you're not wearing any pants.
Marshall: Your move. [throws a plastic bottle in the bin]
Arthur: But, Marshall, what about the environment?
Marshall: Screw the environment!
[back to the phone call:]
Ben: "Screw the environment"?
Arthur: Oh, yeah. We fired him when we caught him clubbing a seal in his office with an even cuter seal. Guy's a maniac. He's just an awful, flatulent racist.

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 ‘The Perfect Cocktail’ Quotes

Quote from Ted

Zoey: Ted! Ted! What is that?
Ted: Oh, my God! It's the cock-a-mouse!
Zoey: The what?
Ted: Cock-a-mouse. Part cockroach, part mouse. It used to live in our apartment. It must've settled here. And, oh, look! It had babies. Good for it!
Zoey: Ew. I give up. You win. Let's go.
Ted: Be well, my friends!

Quote from Barney

Barney: Invitations for the demolition of the Arcadian. As head of the project, I get to decide how we knock it down. I'm torn between training an actual coyote to use an Acme dynamite plunger or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar that goes off the second he hits the last note to "Hot For Teacher."

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.