Future Ted Quote #156

Quote from Future Ted in Blitzgiving

Marshall: Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man. You could become The Blitz.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Blitz was a guy we knew in college. Sadly, he was cursed.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall "eating a sandwich" with a guy in their dorm room:]
The Blitz: Well, I'm calling it a little early.
Ted: Wha- You sure? We got big plans.
Marshall: Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich, and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz?
Ted: Well, tonight, we're doing the same thing, only with "Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits and Apocalypse Now. We'll see what happens.
The Blitz: Nah, it's Kraft/Croft night: mac and cheese and Tomb Raider. Biz-zow!
Future Ted: You see, every time Blitz left a place, something amazing happened.
[A woman wearing only a towel enters the dorm room]
Woman: Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this was my room. [drops towel]
[later, Ted and Marshall tell The Blitz about their evening:]
Ted: Completely naked!
Marshall: Completely naked!
The Blitz: Aw, man!
Marshall: And the movie was awesome.
The Blitz: Aw, man!
Ted: At the exact moment Brando first appeared, "Weird Al" launched right into "Eat It."
The Blitz: Aw, man!


 ‘Blitzgiving’ Quotes

Quote from Lily

Ted: Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th- That's your rule, Lily!
Lily: I tried.
Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!
Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree!
Ted: That's Kate Hudson!
Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson.

Quote from Barney

Ted: All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early.
Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-What U-up?

 Future Ted Quotes

Quote from Murtaugh

Ted: Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List.
Barney: Jeez, not the Murtaugh List.
Robin: What's the Murtaugh List?
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Murtaugh List is something that came into being around the time I turned 30. It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, that beer bong came out. And around the time we turned 30, same thing. Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall playing around in their underwear]
Future Ted: But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
[Ted on the couch with a sick bucket]
Future Ted: Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, known for his oft-quoted catchphrase:
Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
Future Ted: "Stuff." He said, "I'm too old for this stuff."

Quote from The End of the Aisle

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I won't lie, that was a long weekend. More ups and downs than I can count. It was a twisting, turning road that led to the end of the aisle, and not everything along the way was perfect. To be honest, not everything to follow would be perfect either. But what is? Here's the secret, kids: none of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love's the best thing we do. And on that lovely spring evening, that's exactly what Barney and Robin vowed to each other. And it was legendary.