Ted Quote #911
Ted: Punchy, it's time to go back.
Punchy: Back to Times Square?!
Ted: Uh, no. Back-Back to Cleveland.
Punchy: I don't know if I can do that, bro. I mean, yeah, I've been jonesing for a piece of Cleveland-style pizza, but I feel bad about leaving you out here. I worry about you, Ted.
Ted: [scoffs] You worry about me?
Punchy: Yeah. The other day, when you called...
[flashback to Punchy in bed after his phone call with Ted:]
Kelly: Sweetie, who was that?
Punchy: It was my friend Ted. He sounded kind of depressed.
Kelly: Is this the Ted who got left at the altar?
Punchy: Yeah. He's not doing so good. Poor guy lives in a tiny apartment in New York, nowhere near Times Square. He's got no family around. He's still single, doesn't have a backyard. It's just a bummer.
Kelly: Maybe you should go visit him. Cheer him up a little. You know, buy him some shots, do the whole wounded bird trick.
Punchy: You think that would work?
Kelly: Worked on me.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Glitter’ Quotes
Quote from Robin
Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.
Quote from Robin
[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, girls. Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey. So let's do the math. If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour, and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long?
[Ted and Barney burst out laughing]
Robin Sparkles: While you figure it out at home, how about [aboot] we sing you a song about [aboot] our beavers?
Quote from Barney
Barney: [scoffs] Seriously, dude, he has got to go. You need to be like, [as Anne Robinson] You are the weakest link. Goodbye. [as Jeff Probst] Punchy, the tribe has spoken. [as Padma Lakshmi] Please pack up your knives and go. [as China Chow] Your work of art didn't work for us. [as Flavor Flav] Your time's up. [as Mike Richards] I have to ask you to leave the mansion. [as Alex McLeod] You must leave the chateau. [as Bret Michaels] Your tour ends here. [as Ted Allen] You've been chopped.
Ted: Okay, yeah. I know.
Barney: [as Julie Chen] You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. [as Gail Simmons] Your dessert just didn't measure up. [as RuPaul] Sashay away. [as Gordon Ramsay] Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen.
[as Chris Harrison] I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. [as Phil Keoghan] You have been eliminated from the race. [as Tyra Banks] You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. [as Donald Trump] You're fired. [as Heidi Klum] Auf Wiedersehen.