Ted Quote #803
Ted: Dude, relax. It's for Marissa Heller.
Barney: Marissa Heller? She sounds hot. Face, boobs, describe. Start with boobs.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Who was Marissa Heller? That mystery began when Marshall and I first moved in together.
[flashback to 10 years earlier:]
Marshall: Ted, we got our first mail delivery! We are popular. We've got a golf magazine for Marissa Heller. We got a wicker furniture catalog, also for Marissa Heller. And a coupon for a bird store addressed to Marissa Heller, or, stay with me, "current occupant." That's us! We've got mail!
Ted: Fantastic! Marissa Heller? She must be the woman who lived here before us. I wonder what she was like.
Future Ted: And just like that, a picture began to take shape. A picture of Marissa Heller, the golfer. Marissa Heller, the wicker catalog shopper. And Marissa Heller, the bird owner.
Ted: And since then, with each piece of mail we've gotten, the picture's become a little clearer. The only thing we don't know is what she looks like.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I think I told you how earlier that year we had seen some doppelgangers of ourselves around town. There was Lesbian Robin. There was Mustache Marshall. And, of course, Stripper Lily. Well, that night, one more doppelganger surfaced. Mexican Wrestler Ted.
Quote from Marshall
Peter Bogdanovich: Which is exactly what Truffaut was talking about in his 1954 article in Cahiers du cinema. Film is an auteur's medium, full stop.
Marshall: [laughs] Movies. Right? Actors. Willem Dafoe. Funny thing about Willem Dafoe. Uh, his name kind of sounds like a frog talking to a parrot. [in deep voice] Willem. [in high-pitched voice] Dafoe! [deep] Willem. [high] Dafoe! No?
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!