Barney Quote #1026
Quote from Barney in The Rough Patch
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as long as I'd known your Uncle Barney, he'd always had some pretty strong opinions on relationships.
[flashback to Ted with a woman and the gang at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Your girlfriend? She's your "girlfriend"? She's a girl, and a friend? How is... Do not humanize the enemy, Ted. But nice to meet you, Barney Stinson.
Future Ted: And yet, in the fall of 2009, he was the one with the girlfriend.
[the gang in the apartment:]
Barney: Go ahead, open it. Open it, open it, open it, open it! It's my porn collection! Just kidding. That would be weird.
Ted: It's your porn collection.
Barney: It's my porn collection! I'm giving you my porn. Now that things are so great with Robin, I don't need it anymore.
Lily: Wow. You are voluntarily... [Barney nods, Robin shakes her head] giving up your porn.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Rough Patch’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
[As Ted watches the pornographic movie "Archisexture", from Barney's collection:]
Woman: [on tape] Archisexture...
Barney: [on tape] Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, then you are now in possession of my porn. This can only mean one of two things, either I'm dead, or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead, I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to The Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie's. I wanna dance, I wanna have sex with a girl and I wanna go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a committed relationship, then, as your best friend, I have only one request. Please, for the love of God, get me out of it!
Quote from Barney
[flashback to Barney and Robin fighting the "Canadian-American war":]
Barney: Thank God that song's over. Who the hell was that old lady singing?
Robin: Okay, you know that Neil Young is my favorite musician.
Barney: Right. Now was that the same old lady who played Archie Bunker's wife in All in the Family, or just a sound-alike?
Robin: Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. Do not make fun of Neil Young.
Barney: Robin, I would never make fun of a defenseless, old lady with vocal cord paralysis. Ever.
Quote from Lily
Lily: Are you out of your mind? You knew they were playing relationship chicken, and what did you do? You put an engagement ring in front of them. Okay. That's it. I'm taking over. I'm coming out of retirement for one last breakup.
Ted: Yes!
Marshall: All right. How are we gonna do it?
Lily: These guys are in so deep just one fight ain't gonna do it. We need to reignite the four biggest fights they've ever been in, all at once. Number one, the battle of the dirty dishes. [flashback to fight] Number two, the ex-girlfriend conflict. Number three, the Star Wars altercation. And of course, the biggie, the Canadian-American war.