Marshall Quote #555
Quote from Marshall in Bagpipes
Marshall: It all made so much sense when you said it, but when I said it, it turned into a fight. And once Lily and I start fighting, the fight starts to mutate and multiply.
[flashback to Marshall and Lily now arguing in the living room:]
Marshall: [v.o.] Sure, it started with the dishes, but then...
Lily: So you're saying that you shouldn't have to wash dishes because you work harder than me?
Marshall: Okay, that's not what I'm saying, but it's true.
Marshall: [v.o.] And then all of a sudden, we're also fighting about who works harder.
Lily: I teach kindergarten. I am molding the future leaders of tomorrow.
Marshall: You eat cookies and glue stuff.
Marshall: [v.o.] And soon more fights spin off.
Marshall: I can't believe you'd rather be killed...
Marshall: [v.o.] Until there are more fights going on than you can even keep track of.
Lily: If you need to go in the middle of the night, either turn the bathroom light on or sit down.
Marshall: My mother does not hate you. She is neutral about you. I am not scared of your Shining impression. I just don't need to hear it, especially at night.
Lily: "Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance."
Marshall: Please don't do that.
[present:]
Marshall: Man, Lily fights dirty. She's small but vicious, like a badger that your brothers caught and starved for five days and then put in your sleeping bag.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Bagpipes’ Quotes
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] In the fall of 2009, a new couple had just moved in upstairs.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They were always... Well, kids, let's just say they were always "playing the bagpipes."
Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
Ted: I know. It's been six hours. Must be that Tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
Robin: She keeps yelling out for him to play the bagpipes harder, but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
Ted: You have neighbors! Shut the bagpipes up!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Oh, you fight. See, Robin and I never fight.
Ted: Of course you do.
Barney: No. And here's the secret. Every time it looks like we're about to get into a fight...
[flashback to Robin and Barney in his apartment as he eats breakfast:]
Robin: Um, why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?
[Barney puts his newspaper down, stands up and walks out of his apartment; present:]
Ted: So any time you think you might have a fight, you just get up and leave?
Barney: 100% effective. Can't fight if you're not there. That's what Gandhi taught us.
Ted: Boy, that's not true.