Marshall Quote #522
Quote from Marshall in Double Date
Marshall: Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty]
[Marshall imagines an attractive female courier delivering a package.
Marshall: [v.o.] So first, I need to have a different fantasy.
[In Marshall's fantasy, he and Lily sit on the couch. She hiccups once. They share an ominous look. Later, Marshall is by her side in the hospital room as a doctor approaches.]
Doctor: Bad news. Lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medical illegitimate.
Marshall : What?! How could this be?!
Doctor: Beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have.
Lily: [hiccups]
[6 months later, Lily is in a hospital bed as Marshall tries to scare the hiccups out of her by making a loud noise with a plastic bag]
Lily: It's time, baby.
Marshall: I will never love again.
Lily: No, Marshall, you must. And after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. And plow her like a cornfield. [Lily hiccups and dies]
[At Lily's funeral:]
Priest: And so, Marshall, to honor Lily, you must find that busty delivery girl from that one time and plow her like a cornfield.
[An appropriate number of years later, there's a knock at Marshall's door]
Courier: Delivery for Marshall Eriksen.
Marshall: [kisses his hand and raises it to the heavens] This one's for you, Lil'. [to the courier] Where do I sign?
[reality:]
Marshall: And then watch out, because it is on! [raises his hand for a high-five]
Barney: That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Double Date’ Quotes
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Lily, sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first. Because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... You're just my life, baby. And I love you.
Lily: You kill me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me?
Marshall: Murder? No! Baby, no. You develop a chronic illness. I spare no expense for your care. I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure.
Quote from Future Ted
Barney: You will not believe who we saw tonight.
Marshall: Dude, um...
Barney: We saw the third doppelganger!
Lily: [gasps]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I should explain. Over the years we had spotted two strangers who looked exactly like members of our group.
[flashback to the group walking down the street:]
Barney: Hey, hey, hey, hey! [points to a short-haired woman wearing a flannel shirt and a baseball mitt]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Lesbian Robin.
[flashback to the group, minus Robin, outside a theater where they see an advertisement on a bus for a Mexican television show, "Senor Justicia":]
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Mustache Marshall. By the following summer, we would find the remaining two doppelgangers. But I'll get to that.
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful.
Barney: We're not going to the "Origins of Chewbacca" exhibit, Marshall. It's in Houston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls.
Marshall: Where are you taking me, Barney?