Barney Quote #942
Quote from Barney in Right Place Right Time
Future Ted: [v.o.] The next day, Uncle Barney finally confronted Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond Middle School.
Matthew Panning: So, Barney, great to hear from you after all this time. What's been going on?
Barney: I've had sex with 200 women.
Matthew Panning: Oh, God! That's way too many. I mean, that's just gross. Have you sought counseling
for sex addiction? Because you're a prime candidate.
Barney: Uh, have you sought counseling for I win you lose? Yeah, suddenly those 100 girls you nailed in the seventh grade aren't so impressive.
Matthew Panning: 100 girls? Is that what this is about? Barney, I lied.
Barney: Sure you did.
Matthew Panning: Barney, I was 12... of course I was lying. I didn't have a pet Ewok either.
Barney: Sure you didn't.
Matthew Panning: Your whole adult life has been built around... something I lied about when I was 12?
Barney: Jealous?
Matthew Panning: Look, I gotta go pick my kids up at school. It sounds like you got a lot of problems. Good luck, I guess.
Barney: [to himself] I'm awesome. Okay, 200. [rips up his list] Now what? [he sees Robin at the bar]
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Right Place Right Time’ Quotes
Quote from Marshall
[Marshall holding a poster in the booth at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: I've ranked the Presidents in order of how dirty their names sound. One: Johnson. Two: Bush. Three: Harding. Four: Polk.
[Marshall holding a poster in the apartment:]
Marshall: This circle represents "People Who Are Breaking My Heart..." and this circle represents "People Who Are Shaking My Confidence Daily." And where they overlap: Cecilia.
[Marshall holding a poster at the booth in MacLaren's:]
Marshall: This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.
[Marshall returns to the apartment to find Ted, Robin and Barney standing by the "Intervention" sign:]
Marshall: What's going on?
Robin: Enough with the charts.
Barney: And the graphs.
Ted: Really any visual representation of data.
Marshall: I'm not an idiot. I know how you guys feel about my charts and my graphs. As a matter of fact, I've made a chart of your reaction to my charts. Let's take a look. Yes, it is true, since Cecelia, your interest in my charts has been steadily dropping. But based on recent trends, I have also made... A projection chart! And look... huge spike in interest coming! And this isn't just some dead cat bounce. This is big sustainable growth over the long term.
Barney: You're a big sustainable growth.
Quote from Marshall
[at MacLaren's where nobody but Barney is wearing black-tie:]
Marshall: It's not too many.
Barney: Thank you.
Marshall: No, don't get me wrong. You're disgusting, and the cops should probably clamp a boot on your genitals, but that number should be higher. After Barney told me about all this, I crunched the numbers and, Well, I had some charts made up. Barney here hits on roughly 20 girls a week.
Barney: Whoa, it's way more than 20. And B. Smooth don't do nothing roughly.
Marshall: Let's say 20. So, 20 girls a week means 1,040 girls a year. In Barney's 16 years of sexual activity, that means he's hit on 16,640 girls. Now, if he's bedded 199 of them, that is a success rate of... a little over one percent. That's a batting average of 12, eight times worse than the career batting average of... one-handed pitcher, that's right, pitcher... Jim Abbott.
Quote from Ted
Robin: You just need to get out of the house. Take a walk. Get a bagel.
Ted: Yeah, that'll solve everything. I haven't slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer. A cinnamon raisin bagel with a little cream cheese. Actually, that sounds pretty good, I'm going to get a bagel.
Robin: Bring an umbrella. It's supposed to rain, according to Galoshes, our weather clown.
Ted: Your show has a clown who does the weather? That's a little cheesy, no?
Robin: Yeah. And what's that restaurant you're designing shaped like, Hoss?