Ted Quote #556
Quote from Ted in The Stinsons
Barney: What could you possibly have to say for yourself?
[flashback to Ted and Margaret talking about acting tips:]
Margaret: Acting rule number one: "Don't be afraid to improvise."
[present:]
Ted: Was it me who betrayed you, or you who betrayed me?
Barney: I'm sorry. What?
[flashback:]
Margaret: Acting rule number five: "Invent a rich back story for your character."
[present:]
Ted: November 14th, 1998. The overnight train to Monte Carlo. I was in the billiards car hustling some Algerians out of few thousand dinar, when you seduced my fiancee! Who is blind and thought you were me.
Margaret: Yes.
Barney: What in God's name are you talking about?
[flashback:]
Margaret: Acting rule number eight: Don't be afraid to get physical.
[present:]
Ted: [slaps Barney] You know damn well what I'm talking about!
Barney: No, I don't!
Ted: [slaps Barney again] Yes, you do! And by God, I'll hear you say it, scoundrel!
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Stinsons’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Let me get this straight. You're really telling me that when you watch The Karate Kid, you don't root for Daniel-san?
Barney: Nope.
Marshall: Who do you root for in Die Hard?
Barney: Hans Gruber, charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.
Lily: Okay, The Breakfast Club?
Barney: The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.
Robin: I got one. Terminator.
Barney: What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end and he didn't get to kill those people? [sobbing] I'm sorry. That movie...
Ted: I am never watching a movie with you ever again.
Barney: They didn't even try to help him!
Quote from Barney
Lily: Wow, Barney, it looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.
Marshall: Yeah, that sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.
Barney: Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily: Wait. When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
Barney: No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.
Quote from Loretta
Lily: I can't believe we haven't met you before. Who knew Barney had such a great mom?
Loretta: Oh, thanks, dear. Truth is, I wasn't always the best mother when I was younger.
Marshall: Oh, don't say that. I'm sure you were great.
Loretta: Yeah, I was a bit of a whore.
Lily: Excuse me?
Loretta: A whore, dear. A dirty whore. I'm not proud of it. But... still, I had some fun. There is no thrill equal to looking into some guy's eyes and thinking, "I don't know your name, you don't know mine, but... for the next eight minutes, we are gonna rock this gas station bathroom right off its foundation." And then just drive off in opposite directions. Just keep driving.
Marshall: Barney's mom?
Lily: Loretta.
Marshall: Loretta.
Loretta: Anyway, that's, that's all in the past now. I did the best I could. But sometimes I wonder how Barney
turned out to be so perfect.