Barney Quote #856
Quote from Barney in The Stinsons
Barney: And then my mom got better. Which was miraculous. But it meant that I had to keep "Betty" around and cast a kid to play my son, Tyler.
Lily: This is crazy. You actually cast your own son?
Barney: Well, for a while, I got by borrowing/babysitting my neighbor's baby. And this one Christmas, when my mom was plowed on eggnog, I got away with a bag of flour and a Chuckie mask. But eventually, I had to hold auditions.
[flashback to Barney in a room of aspiring child actors:]
Barney: Four, eight, thirteen, you can stay. The rest of you may go.
Stage Mom: You said that if I slept with you, my son would get the part.
Barney: Well, apparently, I'm a better actor than your kid. Bring in the 11:00's!
[present:]
Barney: And that's how the role of Tyler eventually went to... Grant.
Ted: Come on, Grant seems pretty good.
Barney: You think so? Watch this. Hey, Tyler. [the kid is unresponsive] Tyler. Tyler. Grant.
Grant: Yeah?
Barney: See? It's like amateur hour over here. Call me crazy, but child actors were way better back in the '80s.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘The Stinsons’ Quotes
Quote from Barney
Marshall: Let me get this straight. You're really telling me that when you watch The Karate Kid, you don't root for Daniel-san?
Barney: Nope.
Marshall: Who do you root for in Die Hard?
Barney: Hans Gruber, charming international bandit. At the end, he died hard. He's the title character.
Lily: Okay, The Breakfast Club?
Barney: The teacher running detention. He's the only guy in the whole movie wearing a suit.
Robin: I got one. Terminator.
Barney: What's the name of the movie, Robin? Who among us didn't shed a tear when his little red eye went out at the end and he didn't get to kill those people? [sobbing] I'm sorry. That movie...
Ted: I am never watching a movie with you ever again.
Barney: They didn't even try to help him!
Quote from Ted
Barney: What could you possibly have to say for yourself?
[flashback to Ted and Margaret talking about acting tips:]
Margaret: Acting rule number one: "Don't be afraid to improvise."
[present:]
Ted: Was it me who betrayed you, or you who betrayed me?
Barney: I'm sorry. What?
[flashback:]
Margaret: Acting rule number five: "Invent a rich back story for your character."
[present:]
Ted: November 14th, 1998. The overnight train to Monte Carlo. I was in the billiards car hustling some Algerians out of few thousand dinar, when you seduced my fiancee! Who is blind and thought you were me.
Margaret: Yes.
Barney: What in God's name are you talking about?
[flashback:]
Margaret: Acting rule number eight: Don't be afraid to get physical.
[present:]
Ted: [slaps Barney] You know damn well what I'm talking about!
Barney: No, I don't!
Ted: [slaps Barney again] Yes, you do! And by God, I'll hear you say it, scoundrel!
Quote from Barney
Lily: Wow, Barney, it looks like your mom kept your childhood bedroom just the way you left it.
Marshall: Yeah, that sure is a big poster of The Karate Kid above your bed.
Barney: Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily: Wait. When you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
Barney: No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.