Marshall Quote #445

Quote from Marshall in Benefits

Robin: What are you even doing here?
Marshall: I was on my way to work and I just had to drop by here to... read this magazine. In... that room over there.
Ted: Oh, I get it. No problem, buddy.
Robin: Uh, yes, a problem, buddy. You came all the way over here to read a magazine? I'm willing to bet that
there is a place to read a magazine at work. You know, a room with a little man on the door?
Marshall: Uh, okay, Robin. Come on. Nobody likes to read a magazine at work. I mean, you walk out of your office holding a magazine and that magazine is saying one thing and one thing only.
[fantasy scene of Marshall at work:]
Heidi: [on Teen Weekly magazine cover] Hey everyone, look at what Marshall's about to do!
Spencer: [on Teen Weekly magazine cover] Marshall's about to read a big ol' magazine in the bathroom that you all share with him. [laughs]


 ‘Benefits’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: Oh, like Barney's theory about world peace?
[flashback to Barney talking to Ted at MacLaren's:]
Barney: So I explained to her. I said, Madeline, every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension.
Ted: Every international conflict?
Barney: Every single one, dude.
Ted: So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by...
Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
Ted: Apartheid?
Barney: Apart thighs. What else you got?
Ted: Cold War?
Barney: "Mrs. Gorbachev, take down those pants."

Quote from Barney

Ted: Sorry I'm late. I was just jammin' on Scherbatsky. She used up all my stamps, so long story short, the postman rang twice. You must bump this!
Barney: That's... just... so... Excuse me for a second.
[later, Barney finds the dumpster behind MacLaren's is empty. He goes to an electronics store]
Barney: So, you're saying plasmas are better for low light, but LCDs are better for games?
Clerk: Right, but the CRTs have the truest blacks.
Barney: So, if I want a really crisp contrast ratio...
Clerk: The CRT's deep-pixel cell structure produces a resolution you just can't match with an LCD.
Barney: Oh, I'll take the CRT.
[later, Barney smashes the TV in the alley behind MacLaren's]

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Nobody likes to read a magazine at work and if they say that they do, then they're not human.
Barney: Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to because I was busy "reading a magazine." But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. Sure, "reading a magazine" ain't pretty, but, you know, it's something I gotta do. So why be ashamed about it? Wait, "reading a magazine" means masturbating, right?