Marshall Quote #369

Quote from Marshall in Everything Must Go

Marshall: Lily, listen, we really need the money. I have some leads on a job, but until then, I just... I don't know what else we can do.
Lily: I'll sell my paintings!
Marshall: What?
Lily: Yeah, I'll sell my paintings. Good oil paintings go for like, $500.
Marshall: Yeah. Totally. But...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row...
[flashback to Lily showing her paintings to Marshall:]
Marshall: I love it. It's a masterpiece. [cut] That's it. We're selling the TV. I just want to come home and stare at this all day. [cut] Somebody call the cops! My wife stole an awesome painting from the museum!
[back:]
Future Ted: But then, that thousand-and-first time...
Marshall: That kind of money only goes for real paintings. Uh-oh.

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 ‘Everything Must Go’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the spring of 2008 something kind of strange had been happening to your uncle Barney. He'd be doing great with a woman.
Barney: So I threw the pressure air oxygen into its mouth. I shoot the tank, boo, no more shark. Mr. Holland and I swam back to shore. Hey, let me serve you a drink.
Future Ted: He's only been gone a few moments but when he return...
Barney: So where were we?
Ted from 2030: He'd get slapped! It kept happening... Until finally, Lily was approached by a mysterious woman who wants her stay away from Barney. So when it happened once more...
Barney: Again? Really? Wait...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Barney knew who to look for...
[Barney chases after a blonde woman who was leaving MacLaren's:]
Barney: Hey, excuse me. Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over?
Woman: No.
Barney: What are you doing on Friday?

Quote from Lily

Marshall: So, uh, I just met with the contractor. and it turns out that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate.
Lily: But we can barely afford that to begin with.
Marshall: I hate to say this, but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff.
Lily: Whoa! Marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom.

 Marshall Eriksen Quotes

Quote from The Final Page (Part 2)

Marshall: Oh, I forgot the lullaby. Do you know Marvin's lullaby? We sing it to him every night.
[flashback to Marshall playing guitar and singing to Marvin with Lily adding percussion:]
Marshall: Night, night, little Marvin Stars twinkle for you [Lily plays chimes] The Dreamland train's a-chuggin' [Lily blows train whistle] All your dreams will come true And the horsie says, "Good night" [Lily plays wood scraper block] And the birdie says, "Good night" [Lily blows bird whistle] And the elephant says, "Good night" [Lily plays tuba] And the skeleton playing his own rib cage Says, "Good Night" [Lily plays xylophone] And the robot says, "Good night"
Lily: [uses a voice-changing megaphone] Good night.
Man: [o.s.] Enough with the damn music!
Marshall: [singing] And Mr. Nesbit says, "Good night" And the whole world says, "Good night" Take it, Mommy.
[Lily plays the violin]

Quote from Bagpipes

Barney: Hey, tiger. How you holding up? Do you need a hug? You want to talk about yesterday? Safe space.
Ted: Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
Marshall: What? Why? Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
Barney: I'll tell you what the big deal is. You know how I was always the best at being single?
Ted: No.
Barney: Well, now I am the best at relationships. Even better than you and Lily.
Marshall: Aw. Look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable. Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio. I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep. Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.