Ted Quote #441

Quote from Ted in Rebound Bro

Ted: I have a surprise appetizer for us today. Check it out. Potato skins.
Stella: Fancy.
Ted: Yeah. Right? God, it's been forever since I had potato skins. I remember them as being pretty much the most delicious things ever. [Eats the potato skin] Huh. That's surprising.
Stella: What?
Ted: This potato skin. It's good but not nearly as good as I'd built it up to be in my head. Even though potato skin performed admirably, and is a totally respectable size... I couldn't enjoy it because of my own unrealistic expectations.
Stella: Hmm, Ted, I see what you're doing. You're trying to lower my expectations for tonight. Is this a length thing?
Ted: No.
Stella: Quick on the draw?
Ted: No.
Stella: Unexpected number of testicles?
Ted: No.

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 ‘Rebound Bro’ Quotes

Quote from Barney

Ted: It's Barney. [answers phone] Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me.
Barney: Ted, I'm sorry, I haven't returned your calls.
Ted: Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice.
Barney: I'm sorry, I gotta let you go. It's just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying?
Ted: No, I'm not.
Barney: Sh! Let it out, let it out.
Ted: Goodbye Barney. [hangs up]

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Stella and I had been dating for two months. And things were going really well. She had met my friend in past for flying colors. There was just one little problem.
Lily: You guys haven't had sex yet!!?? When Marshall and I were two months, we were doing it 24/7.
Ted: I know, I was in the top bunk. Also sat next to you at football games.

 Ted Mosby Quotes

Quote from Intervention

[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Marshall: Encyclopaedia?
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.

Quote from We're Not From Here

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!