Marshall Quote #284
Blahblah: Hm. Oh, so, pretty and single and friends with Ted. Great.
Ted: You know who else is friends with Ted? Marshall. How did we meet? It's a good story, I'm gonna tell it right now. Uh, it was the first day of college.
[flashback to Marshall reading a magazine in his dorm room in 1996:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, to understand this story, you need to know that your Uncle Marshall was doing something that lots of college kids do. How do I say this? He was, uh, let's say eating a sandwich.
[Marshall lifts a sandwich up to his mouth, takes a bit and starts laughing]
College Guy: Dude, I heard the dean is coming. Put out your sandwich.
[Marshall gets up and puts his sandwich out in an ashtray, and then covers the sandwich with his magazine. Marshall sprays air freshener in room as Ted comes through the door]
Marshall: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Marshall Eriksen.
Ted: Sir? Please, just call me Ted. [they shake hands]
Marshall: Okay, Dean Ted.
Ted: Whoa. Someone's been eating a sandwich.
Marshall: What? No. Really? I don't know 'cause I don't even know what sandwiches smell like. My parents are gonna donate a lot of money to this school.
Ted: So you're bottom bunk, that's cool. I wanted the top bunk anyway. [puts his bags on the top bunk]
Marshall: What do you mean?
Ted: I'm your new roommate.
Marshall: This is so unfair.
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
Quote from Barney
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Quote from Marshall
[flashback to Ted, Barney and Marshall in a booth in MacLaren's in 2001:]
Marshall: I'm not gonna cheat on my girlfriend.
[Lily walks in the bar]
Barney: Yes, you are, with the hottie that just walked in. Look at her. How much hotter is she than your girlfriend?
Marshall: There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Should I go for it?
Ted: Oh, don't do it, man. I mean, think about Lily.
Marshall: You know what, I don't care. I've been with one woman for too long. I need me some strange.
Barney: Yes, yes, pep talk. You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she is way too hot for you. So, remember, tonight isn't about scoring, it's about believing that you can do it even though you probably can't. Go get him, tiger.
[Marshall gets up and heads over to the bar. Ted moves to the other side of the booth and sits next to Barney.]
Barney: Poor guy's gonna crash and burn.
[Marshall walks over to Lily and kisses her]
Barney: [spit take] That man is a god!
Marshall: For like a week after, Barney followed me around, asking me to teach him how to live. I even got him to do my laundry once.
Barney: I thought it was a Mr. Miyagi kind of thing.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Well, we're closing in on the half. Let's see how Blahblah's doing on the crazy-hot scale. She started the night here, but as the night's progressed, she's gotten crazier but no hotter which has caused her to drift across the Mendoza diagonal and dangerously close to the Shelley Gillespie zone. Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to kill me with a brick.