Barney Quote #397
Quote from Barney in Bachelor Party
[flashback to MacLaren's in the summer of 2006:]
Barney: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Marshall: [sobbing] Lily.
Barney: Ah, I got to go.
[Barney hops in a cab]
Barney: Newark Airport, please.
[Barney arrives in San Francisco, knocks on Lily's door]
Barney: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barney, what are you doing here? I can't believe it's really you. Come in, have a seat. Do you want some tea? I know the apartment's small, but I don't need much space. Let me show you some of my paintings. I think it's some of my best work ever. Just stop it. Lily, you have to come home. You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something that most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him, and if you knew what he was going through right now, you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know, and it won't be long until someone else realizes that, and you'll lose him forever. I can't stand the thought of that happening, and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever. Never, ever tell anyone I was here. I will deny it tooth and nail. This trip never happened. [exits, returns] Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do, Alcatraz or Fisherman's Wharf?
How I Met Your Mother Quotes
‘Bachelor Party’ Quotes
Quote from Lily
Lily: I can't believe you got me this.
Robin: Oh, I only did it as a joke. I can return it for you you want.
Lily: Oh, no, it's okay. You don't have to go all the way back down there. I'll, I'll just throw it away.
Robin: Well, I mean, if you were going to throw it away, maybe I'll take it in case I get invited to another wedding shower. It's a great gag gift.
Lily: Yeah, it's really funny. You know who would get a kick out of it? Marshall. So, so maybe I'll just hold on to it.
Robin: I would be embarrassed if Marshall found out that I bought it for you, so I'd better just take it.
Lily: Robin, leave it.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out. Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters. You've got the groom, the best man, the guy who speaks only in clichés...
Stuart: Dead man walking!
Future Ted: ...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night and doesn't show up again until the end.
Brad: All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.
Barney: No, no, no.
Marshall: None for me.
Ted: See you guys back at the room, then.
Future Ted: And, of course, well... Barney. Every bachelor party has a Barney.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower. And Robin showed up gift in hand. Funny story about that gift.
Robin: Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower. It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?
Barney: Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah.
Robin: It's kind of see-through.
Barney: Whoa, ho ho! You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her? 1850. Robin, it's her bridal shower! All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking. You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.
Robin: Well, what do you think I should get her?
Barney: There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in... How to put this delicately? Uh, battery-powered, adult-recreational fake penises.
Future Ted: And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue, and a battery-powered, adult-recreational... Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in.