Robin: What?
Ted: I was putting your phone back, and I found something in your bag.
Robin: I have a permit for that. And the other thing was a gift.
Ted: No. This. You stole Jeremy's sock.
Robin: No, I didn't. I don't know how that got in there. It must've fallen in. Weird!
Ted: "Fallen in"?
Robin: Or Lily put it in there as a joke. That bitch be drunk. Okay, I took it. It's just so cute. Sock.
Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, are you warming to the idea of having children?
Robin: No. I don't know. Maybe someday. When I'm, like, 70. Science will catch up. Look, I'm just... I'm confused lately. I'm unemployed. I'm living on a couch.
Ted: Yeah. It's been a rough couple of months for both of us.

Ted: Hey, I have a spare bedroom. Why don't you stay with me while you
look for a place?
Robin: Really?
Ted: Yeah.
Robin: Thanks, Ted. I already have some leads, so it'll be one week, two weeks tops.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's how your Aunt Robin moved in with me.

Lily: I'm bored. Let's go dancing. Let's rob a liquor store!
Marshall: Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay? Whenever we go somewhere when you're drunk, you always fall asleep as soon as we get in the...
[Marshall helps Lily into a cab:]
Lily: We're going dancing! We're gonna party all night long! [moments later, Lily is snoring]
Marshall: Hey, can you circle the block a couple times just to make sure she's really down?
Cab Driver: Sure thing.

Ted: Barney, Not A Father's Day is lame. It's a holiday for losers.
Barney: What are you...? What're you talking about? That's a great group of bros.
Ted: Barney, it's the Cheerleader Effect.
Barney: No, Ted. That only works for chicks.
Robin: Take a good look at each one of those guys individually. These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend.
Ted: Good night, Barney.
Robin: Good night.
Barney: [cutesy] Sock.

Marshall: Do I smell chocolate chip pancakes?
Lily: No, you smell "Chocolate chip I'm sorry I was such a drunk idiot" pancakes.
Marshall: Oh, is there any "Wish I hadn't puked on your shirt" bacon?
Lily: There sure is.
Marshall: Baby.
Lily: I'm so sorry about last night. I know I was a mess. I... I just started freaking out about whether we're ready to be parents. But you took such good care of me. I know you're gonna be a great dad.
Marshall: I don't want to be a dad right now.
Lily: What?
Marshall: Last night, it was just... Between balancing work and drunk Baby Lily, it was too much. I'm just getting
started at this job, and I'm working such long hours, I mean... Look, I love you. And I absolutely want to
have kids someday. I just... I want to be ready for it.
Lily: Me, too. And whenever we are ready, I know you're going to be amazing.
Marshall: You, too.
Lily: Do you want to go have completely protected sex right now?
Marshall: I do.
Lily: Do you want to finish your bacon first?
Marshall: You are the perfect woman.