Lily: "It's a..." It's a... Where is the rest of the card?
Barney: I ripped it in half. I knew you'd be desperate to see it, and I'll give it to you. All you have to do is admit
that mystery is stupid by reading about Janet McIntyre.
Kevin: This is in no way emotional extortion. You guys are great.
Lily: Fine, we'll look at your laptop.
Marshall & Lily: Sweet. Mother. Of God!
Kevin: [spit take] I can't really see the computer screen. It just went down the wrong pipe.

[fantasy:]
Janet: Listen, there's something you should know. I lied. I only kind of liked Annie Hall.
Ted: [gasps]
[reality:]
Ted: [inner monologue] I gots to know! [out loud] Sweet. Mother. Of God! [takes drink, spit takes]

Janet: Hey. Ted, are you okay? You look freaked out.
Ted: I'm not freaked out.
Future Ted: [v.o.] I was freaked out. Why? 'Cause I had just discovered that Janet McIntyre was... amazing! And then, the wall went up.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so the gender remained a secret, but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was. There was only one problem.
Janet: Ted, what's going on?
Ted: Nothing. Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect in New York history to have a skyscraper built?
Janet: Oh.
Ted: So, I'm not quite as far beneath you as you might think.
Janet: Why would I think that?
Ted: No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, and the firemen came and got it out, so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, but at least I didn't ignore it and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass.
Janet: We had one promise, and you broke it.
Ted: What are you talking about?
Janet: You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating.
Ted: Why- Why would I find you intimidating, okay? It's not like I donated a kidney, but I donated blood once, although I wound up fainting, and they had to put it all back in.
Janet: I was so excited about this. But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them.
Ted: No, I ain't! I mean, no, I never do that thing you says. What I mean is, you gooder than me no make difference!

Ted: And that's that. I wish to God I'd never clicked on that link.
Robin: I'm sorry, Ted. We were just trying to help.
Barney: I said it was meddling and manipulative, but Kevin insisted we butt in.
[title card: pathological liar]
Ted: No, it's my fault. I never should have looked. In the battle of mystery versus history, it's best not to know.

[Marshall notices that the card featuring their baby's sex is stuck to the bottom of Ted's shoe]
Marshall: Lily Pad?
Lily: What?
Marshall: We're having a boy.
Lily: We're having a boy.
Barney: You're having a boy!

[flashback to three days after Robin's fourteenth birthday as her father picks her up in the helicopter:]
Robin: It needs sharpening.
Robin Sr.: You see? I told you three days would go by in no time. Phineas, take us up! Well, in case you were wondering, it rained the entire time I was in the Caribbean. Thank you for asking. [wolf howls]