‘Murtaugh’
Season 4, Episode 19 - Aired March 30, 2009
Barney tries to complete Ted's "I'm too old for this stuff" list in one day. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily disagree about the right way to coach her kindergarten basketball team.
Quote from Robin
Robin: All right, Barney. As your manager, I am throwing in the towel. This bet is over. Your ear looks like a free Danish at a continental breakfast.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Great job, guys. At least we're not keeping score, right? No idea what the score is. Could be 53 to zero. Could be some other score. It's 53 to zero.
Boy: What are we doing wrong, Coach?
Marshall: You know what? You're not doing anything wrong. It's great that you guys are losing, because in life, it doesn't matter how much effort you put in, or how hard you try, people will just give you things. Like diplomas and jobs and promotions. So, it doesn't matter what you do out there, as long as... As long as you have fun.
Future Ted: [v.o.] At that point, because they didn't want to fight in front of the kids, your uncle Marshall and aunt Lily had one of their telepathic conversations.
Lily: [telepathically] Don't you give me that look.
Marshall: [telepathically] Lily, I can't take it anymore! Your way of coaching is crazy!
Lily: Stop yelling at me!
Marshall: Sorry. But can I please do it my way?
Lily: Fine, but I'm going to do it my way, too. I'm getting my guitar.
Quote from Marshall
Future Ted: I don't know if it was Marshall's tough attitude, Lily's gentle encouragement, or some magical combination of the two, but in the second half of that game, that ragtag group of little firecrackers... got beat down even worse. In fact, according to your uncle Marshall, in the second half, the other team got even taller. And one of them turned into a Teen Wolf.
Marshall: Kenny! There is a Teen Wolf on the court! That can't be legal.
Lily: I know the Teen Wolf looks different, kids, but try to make sure he feels included.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: How is that not traveling, Kenny? You are killing me! You are absolutely killing me!
Kenny: Watch it, Coach, or you'll get a technical.
Marshall: I am begging you to give me a technical.
Future Ted: [v.o.] When the final horn mercifully blew, the score was, by Marshall's estimate, 118 to nothing. And even though they didn't win anything, everyone, even the coach, got a participation trophy.
Lily: I understand if you don't want it.
Marshall: I love it. I worked so hard. It feels good to be appreciated for my effort.
Lily: I know, baby.
Marshall: Maybe your way is not totally stupid.
Lily: Thanks. Your way is totally stupid.