Stella: So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend.
Ted: Well, I can finally say it. I hated that guy! Everything out of his mouth is, "I'm a vegan. "Fish feel pain. I'm never constipated. " The guy's an idiot.
Stella: Actually, she's marrying him. I just wanted your honest opinion.
Ted: He's actually a really nice guy. I think there's a wisdom to Kent.

Ted: As soon as she started talking about the wedding, it freaked me out.
[flashback to Ted and Stella sitting outdoors:]
Ted: Oh, that sounds like so much fun. Mmm. So I get to look forward to it for six months. Which is twice as long as we've been dating.
[present:]
Robin: Uh-oh.
[flashback:]
Ted: I'm sure your daughter Lucy'll come so it'll be like a... a family trip. Our first trip as our funny little family. So that... that'll be super-exciting.
[present:]
Marshall: Oh, boy.
[flashback:]
Ted: Man, they crank up the heat in these places.

[flashback to Ted and Stella sitting outdoors:]
Stella: What's going on, Ted?
Ted: We need to talk.
[present:]
All: Oh.
Lily: "We need to talk"? There's only two situations where you say that to someone and unless you're pregnant, it sounds like you broke up with her.
Ted: Yeah, I did.
[Lily exclaims]

[Lily slaps Ted]
Ted: Ow! Look, I know it sounds rough, but Stella's a mom. I have to be responsible. If I'm having these feelings now, what if they don't go away? What if they just get worse and worse and six months from now, I break up with her over tofu salmon at her sister's wedding? I can't do that to her. And I definitely can't do that to her daughter. It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here. This is the right decision.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Which brings me back to the cab ride.
[A car smashes into the cab at an intersection]

[After a nervous Marshall, Lily and Robin rush to the hospital and arrive in Ted's room:]
Ted: Hey, guys. Jell-O?

Lily: I can't believe this. So you're totally fine.
Ted: No, I'm not fine. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I want Stella back. I've left her like ten messages, but her phone's off. She's at that arcade, Kiddie Funland, with her daughter. [to the nurse] Please. Let me go to Kiddie Funland.
Nurse: You can say that all you want, buddy, but you're not getting any morphine.
Ted: No, I'm serious. I got to get out of here.
Nurse: You're not going anywhere until we get the tests back. You could have internal bleeding. Your brain could be all full of blood. Think that's good for it? It ain't.

Ted: This sucks. This sucks. This sucks.
Marshall: Are you... are you kidding me? You walked away from a car accident without a scratch. A miracle took place today.
Robin: Oh, here we go.
Marshall: You don't think this was a miracle?
Robin: There's no such thing as miracles.
Marshall: March 2006, MacLaren's Bar.
[flashback to Ted, Marshall and Barney throwing pencils at the ceiling in MacLaren's:]
Barney: Oh. That's terrible. Gentle.
Marshall: That's in!
Barney: Gentle.
Ted: Here we go. [Ted throws a pencil and it sticks in the ceiling]
Barney: Hey! Bravo. Cheers...
[A pencil falls from the ceiling, hits the table and bounces into Barney's nose:]
Ted: No... way.
Marshall: That did not just happen.
Barney: Am I dead? Am I dead?
[present:]
Marshall: Miracle!

Robin: A pencil went up Barney's nose, and you call it a miracle.
Marshall: Well, do you have a better explanation for it?
Robin: A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?
Marshall: A drunk jackass called "God" and a box of pencils called "destiny".

Lily: [on the phone] It's about Ted.
Barney: Ted? [laughs] My former best friend Ted who I asked you never to mention to me again?
Lily: Yeah. He's been in a car accident. He's at Saint Anthony's hospital. Everything's... [Barney hangs up] No, I understand. You've got that important thing. Okay. Oh, of course I'll tell him you love him. Okay. Suit up! [laughs] He is always saying stuff like that!
Ted: He hung up, didn't he?
Lily: Yeah.

Lily: So, what made you change your mind about Stella?
Ted: Well, I was in the cab, and the car was coming at me, and you know how they say that your whole life flashes before your eyes in a near-death experience? It doesn't. You don't see everything. Just the things you love. I realized in that moment that Stella is the most important thing in my life and- And I have to get her back.