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Milk

‘Milk’

Season 1, Episode 21 -  Aired May 8, 2006

After Ted turns 28, the matchmaking service he joined finally finds a match for him. Meanwhile, Marshall join Barney in a prank war, and Lily considers making a huge change.

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so, one $90 cab ride later, I was in the middle of nowhere.
Lily: Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry about this. Did you get ahold of your date?
Ted: Yes.
Lily: And was she okay about pushing it back?
Ted: Yes. Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here?
Lily: You can never tell Marshall.
Ted: I won't.
Lily: Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl.
Ted: I swear on Luke and Leia.

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Quote from Lily

Lily: Ted, let's go to New Haven.
Ted: Lily, don't do this to yourself.
Lily: I just need to know if I can get in. If I do this interview, and get into the program, then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. Come on! It's an adventure.
Ted: No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake.
Lily: Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, "Yep. That was a mistake." So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this - my life, my relationship, my career - mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?
Ted: I don't know. You said "mistake" a lot.

Quote from Robin

Robin: And she's looking to get married and have kids?
Ted: Check and check. She wants two kids... a boy and a girl.
Robin: Wow. You know, I've been thinking about this. I think I want to have zero kids.
Ted: Really? You don't want kids?
Robin: You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you.

Quote from Future Ted

Ted: I didn't go.
Marshall: What? Why?
Ted: I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her.
Marshall: Why? She sounds perfect.
Ted: I don't want perfect. I want Robin.
Marshall: Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it's a mistake.
Ted: Maybe. But it's a mistake I have to make.
Marshall: Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. Look at the evidence. You and Robin have tried this again and again...
Future Ted: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway. Even really dumb mistakes.

Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, life is a dark road. You never really know what's up ahead. One night you're cruising along enjoying the ride, and then all of a sudden, you're 28.
Waitress: And for the birthday boy, lasagna.
Ted: Thank you.
Waitress: Careful. The plate is very hot.
Ted: 'kay. Oh, go on, touch it.
Lily: Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate.

Quote from Ted

Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Ted-ological clock ticking?
Ted: Nope. I hit the snooze button.

Quote from Ted

Lily: You're never going to find this girl.
Ted: Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable.
Marshall: So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it?
Ted: That's the plan.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And little did I know, at that very moment, fate, in the form of a 600 gigahertz superprocessing computer was taking care of it.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Whoa, you're up early.
Lily: Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes.
Ted: Does Marshall know?
Lily: He's still sound asleep.
Marshall: Awesome. So awesome. God! Best girl ever. Screw these pancakes, I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up.
Ted: Please don't do that.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Hey, is this milk any good? [gags]
Marshall: Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday.
Ted: God, why didn't you throw it away? [puts the milk back in the fridge]

Quote from Marshall

Lily: I'm going shopping after work. I'll pick up some milk.
Marshall: Oh! These pancakes are delightful.
Lily: What's wrong, baby?
Marshall: This is the high point of my day.
Future Ted: [v.o.] It was true. See, Marshall had always dreamed of using his law degree to protect the environment. But he needed money for the wedding, so he'd been interning for two months at Barney's firm... and he hated every minute of it.

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