Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, never underestimate the power of destiny. Because when you least expect it, the littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life. Take for instance my trip to Chicago.
[Ted and Robin are rushing through the airport]
Robin: That security guard was a little bit handsy.
Ted: That's funny. She barely touched me. Uh, Gate 23. Come on. If we miss this flight, I will never forgive myself.
Future Ted: Why was this flight so important? Let's back up a few months to the fall of 2006. I had just sold my first building design and become the youngest project manager in my firm's history. Suddenly I was being headhunted. One firm was even considering me to run their entire New York office. They were flying me in for a final interview at their corporate headquarters in Chicago. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. It was my destiny. There was just one problem.

Ted: Hi, wait, two more.
Phyllis: Sorry, you're too late, I already shut the doors.
Ted: Well, I'm sure if we pull real hard we can open them.
Phyllis: Hmm, I wish it worked like that, but see, once I close those doors, that's it. Nobody else is allowed down that jet-way. Except for that guy.
Ted: Please, if-if I miss this flight, I'll miss the chance to interview for my dream job.
Phyllis: I'm sorry, sir.
Robin: His dream job! Didn't you ever have a dream job? Something from when you were a little girl, that was all you wanted to do? I mean, for God's sakes, I'm sure you didn't go to bed at night dreaming about being a... I mean, uh... This is a cool job.
Ted: Please, I have to be on this flight.
Phyllis: I'll see what I can do. But it doesn't look good.
Ted: Thanks.
Robin: Your uniforms are pretty.

Phyllis: Okay. They haven't armed the doors yet, so you still have a chance. It's up to the captain now and they're calling us back.
Ted: Great, please let us know as soon as you hear anything.
Phyllis: Sure, and for the future, we recommend you arrive at the airport an hour and a half before your flight, not, you know, one minute after.
Ted: Normally, I'm incredibly responsible. I just had to go to court this morning and get sentenced. Not that I'm a criminal or anything.
Robin: Yeah, he just jumped a subway turnstile.
Phyllis: You seem to have a lot of problems with the rules of travel.

Future Ted: [v.o.] The next morning, as the marathon began, we were focused on Marshall's computer.
Marshall: Each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. Barney's got mine in his shoe.
Robin: Ooh, he's starting!
Marshall: This ought to be good.
[48 minutes later:]
Marshall: Wow. He's already passing the second checkpoint.
Lily: This tracking thing is amazing. When we get married, you're getting one of these.

Barney: What up, non-finishers?
Ted: Wow. Very impressive, Barney.
Barney: Right? Yeah, my time would have been like a half an hour better, but I met this total hottie on Mile Seven. We took a quick detour and had our own mini marathon behind a Nathan's. I won.
Lily: I'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner.

Ted: Barney's legs won't work. He's riding the subway from end to end because he physically can't get off the train.
Marshall: Best 50 bucks I ever spent.

[A pregnant woman, on old lady and a boy in crutches wait for Barney to give up his place:]
Woman: Oh, come on. You're not even going to give up your seat for him?
Barney: I'm sorry. I can't.
Old Lady: Douche.

Robin: See? If Barney never tried to run the marathon, you never would have jumped that turnstile, you wouldn't have had that court date today, and we would have made this flight.
Ted: You're right. Everything can be traced back to him. Like that rash we all got at Christmas.

Phyllis: [holding the phone up to her ear] So I was able to get you two seats.
Ted: Really? That's great!
Phyllis: No, no, not you. I'm talking to my mom about Blue Man Group. Ma, can I call you back?
Robin: Okay, what about our flight? Can we get on?
Phyllis: I'm still waiting for... Huh. Looks like your flight left already.
Ted: What? No, n-n-n-no, n-no. I have to be in Chicago today.
Robin: Well, he never even called you back?
Phyllis: Well, it's typical pilot. They don't call you back at work and they don't call you back after you spend two nights with them at a Radisson in Orlando.

Future Ted: [v.o.] It turned out there was one other flight that would just barely get me to Chicago on time for my job interview, but it was all the way on the other side of the airport.
Robin: What was the name of the airline again?
Ted: I think it was something like Flights R' Us.
Robin: Was the "R" backwards?
Ted: God, I hope not.