Lily: Robin, what's the big deal? He's just a kid. He's not gonna bite. He may bite. We're working on biting.

Barney: Which one of us has more game?
Marshall: Neither of you guys has any game, right, or else you'd be married like me.
Barney: What?
Marshall: If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game.
Ted: Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league.
Marshall: You're joking. I have mad game, brah.
Barney: OK. One, we agreed not to ever say 'brah' anymore. It was a good week, we had a lot of fun, but it's over. Two, you've been with Lily for eleven years. Your idea of good game is slapping on a Dr. Seuss hat and flashing two tickets to a Spin Doctors concert.

Lily: [answers phone] Hey, what's up?
Robin: It's here, Lily. It's looking at me. The kid, what do I do?
Lily: Just talk to him. You can do this, Robin.
Doug: Who are you?
Robin: I'm Robin.
Doug: That's a bird's name.
Robin: No, it's not. It's actually a type of bird.
Doug: My friend, Patrick, has a parakeet named Robin, so there. You wanna talk in Morse code?
Robin: Dude, I'm just reading my paper.

Doug: Beep, beep beep beep, beep beep, beeeep. I'm starving. Can you make me cereal?
Robin: Sure.
[Robin pours cereal into the bowl]
Doug: What are you doing? You're supposed to pour milk first?
Robin: What? No, you pour the cereal first so you know how much milk you need.
Doug: It tastes better milk first.
Robin: It all tastes the same once it's in the bowl.
Doug: Why are you wearing my dad's pants?
Robin: Milk first it is.
[Robin dumps the cereal into the bin]

Barney: We've never shared a woman, have we, Ted? Isn't that funny? You're with her now, I was with her a year ago. You figure for her, that's like 200 showers ago. You gotta ask yourself, Ted, is 200 enough?
Ted: You know what, I don't mind.
Barney: No, of course you don't mind. Just like the second guy to climb Mt. Everest didn't mind getting all the way to the top only to find Sir Edmund Hilary's flagpole thrust into its supple peak. [Ted looks disgusted] No, I'm sure when you're with her I'll be the furthest thing from your mind. Kissing what I've already kissed. Nuzzling what I've already nuzzled. Going [motorboats] on what I've already gone [motorboats] on.
Ted: Barney, I'm not afraid of catching your cooties, OK?
Barney: Really? Ted's not afraid of cooties. OK, well then I guess you'd have no problem having a sip of my gin and tonic. [holds drink out for Ted]
Ted: Fine. [Ted takes the drink, brings it to his mouth and then backs out]
Barney: And I only stirred that with my pinky.

Robin: Do guys really think this is me?
Lily: Honey, it's you. And if you're gonna break up with George, you have to break up with his kid too.
Robin: Really?
Lily: Yeah, you can't just abandon him. You have to talk to him. Come on, Robin, you know it's the right thing to do.
Robin: Man. Doug was right, you are a pain in the ass.

Robin: Look, uh, Doug. There's no good way to say this.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Aunt Robin didn't know what to say. This kid had never been dumped before. But then she realized this kid had never been dumped before. She could use every cliché in the book.
Robin: We need to talk. I just think, um, we both could use some space right now. It's not you, it's me. I know this hurts but you deserve someone better. I'm just really trying to focus on my career right now, you know. I just hope we can still be friends.

Ted: I should have just worn that stupid eye patch.

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was Saturday night in New York City and the young metropolitan set was out on the town, living the kind of crazy lifestyle you can only find in the Big Apple.
[In the apartment, Ted, Barney and Robin throw peanuts into Marshall's mouth]
Robin & Ted: 97, 98, 99, 100!
Lily: 100! We only got to 82 on our honeymoon.

Barney: I'm going out, buying eye patches. What are you doing to help score chicks?
Ted: OK, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. People with real game don't need eye patches.
Barney: Oh, Theodore... [removes eye patch] No no no, you can't spell game without me, and me has the best game.
Ted: Yeah, well, I got so much game, I'm Cornish game hen.
Barney: Oh yeah? I'm the New York state gaming commissioner.
Ted: Well, I'm The Game, well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn.
Barney: Wow.