Lily Aldrin Quotes Page 26 of 26
Quote from The Magician's Code - Part One
Lily: What do you mean I can't have an epidural?
Dr. Sonya: You're too far along. Things are moving much faster than expected.
Lily: Look, if your hands are tied medically, just leave the epidural on the table and walk away.
Dr. Sonya: Don't worry. The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a whoosh. Like a waterslide. [Lily screams] Slightly painful waterslide.
Quote from Band or DJ
Ted: I am happy for them.
Lily: Is all you'll let yourself say out loud. Because if you said anything to the contrary, well, that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. So, I'm gonna give you an out.
Ted: And how are you gonna do that?
Lily: By saying something that is even more awful.
Ted: Like what?
Lily: Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom. Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night, and not come back.
Ted: Robin shouldn't be with Barney. She should be with me.
Lily: You serious?
Lily: I don't know. I mean, I love being a mom. I... I love Marvin so much. But do you remember when I wanted to be an artist? Art was my whole life. And- And now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush. I-I spend the whole day taking care of kids at my job... and I come home, and it's more of the same. It just... It never lets up. It's just really, really hard, Ted.
Ted: Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel?
Lily: Have you talked to Robin about how you feel?
Ted: Fair enough.
Lily: I just think we have to accept our lots in life... and I have to be a mom to a... a beautiful, wonderful, if slightly constipated, little boy. And you have to let Robin and Barney get a band.
Quote from The Lighthouse
Lily: So, what's everyone doing this morning?
Robin: Oh, well, I kind of feel like playing some tennis. Maybe we should reserve a court.
Lily: Court. [breaks glass, which is quickly replaced] Thank you, Linus.
Quote from The Lighthouse
Loretta: What do you think, Lily?
Lily: Oh, my God, they are so delicious. Even more delicious than finding out Barney peed himself at the Pinewood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia. I'm sorry, Robin.
Quote from The Goat
Lily: And with a little luck, in a few days, Farmer Frank's cold will be all gone. And that's why Farmer Frank's breath smells like medicine. Right, Farmer Frank?
Frank: You got it, toots.
Lily: Any last questions for Farmer Frank? Yes.
Girl: Will we ever go to see Missy the Goat again?
Frank: Ah, isn't that sweet! Well, you know, honey, right after this, I'm gonna drop old Missy off at the butcher shop. And they're going to take a great big knife...
Future Ted: [v.o.] And Frank went on to traumatize Lily's entire class with a graphic explanation of where meat comes from...
Frank: So not one little scrap of Missy goes to waste.
Girl: Ms. Aldrin, please don't let them eat Missy.
Quote from Home Wreckers
Ted: Guys, I am screwed. I mean, the best I can do is level this place, and sell the property for a huge loss.
Lily: Look, Ted, usually in life, when you make a stupid decision, you just have to live with it. But how often do you get the chance to pick up a sledgehammer and bash the living hell out of it?
Ted: [picks up sledgehammer, gets ready to swing and then stops] This is stupid.
Barney: Your mom and I got to second base.
[Ted starts swinging the sledgehammer. His friends take turns.]