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How I Met Your Mother: Last Cigarette Ever

‘Last Cigarette Ever’

Season 5, Episode 11 -  Aired December 14, 2009

As the gang try hard to stop smoking, Robin's new co-anchor is less than enthusiastic about his new job.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Dude, if you don't stop tapping your foot, it's coming off.
Marshall: Oh, my God, Ted, I'm so sorry. Maybe I should move it a little bit closer to your ass!


Quote from Robin

Future Ted: [v.o.] It wasn't going very well for Robin, either.
Don: Sorry I'm late. Someone used the microwave, and the elevator stopped. What are you doing?
Robin: Okay, Don. Don, seriously, not tonight. Okay, I'm a little bit on edge because I quit smoking for my interview with the mayor, so just...
Don: Oh! Oh, you precious little porcelain unicorn, you. Why would you do that?
Robin: Why? Because I care, Don. I care about the show, I care about my career. Unlike you, you unprofessional jerk! You're sloppy, you're rude, and I wish you worked half as hard as the elastic on those stretched-out underpants.

Quote from Robin

Don: If any impressionable viewers have a problem with this, please give us a call. The number's on the screen. Chirp, chirp? Chirp, chirp? Come on, Robin, live a little. [phone rings] Oh, that must be Mike. He always forgets, extra crispy. Hello?
Marshall: [on phone] Robin, don't smoke that cigarette!
Robin: Marshall?
Marshall: We're all watching and we're all very impressionable. And I swear to God, if you smoke that cigarette, we're all going to smoke.
Robin: You guys are watching?
Lily: [in a raspy voice] We sure are, sweetheart, and you look fabulous.
Robin: Oh, you guys.
Ted: You don't have to do this, Robin. You don't have to smoke.
Lily: Resist it, honey.
Robin: Thanks for the call, guys.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: She did it!
Ted: Good for her.
Lily: [raspy voice] We're not going to smoke.
Barney: ... I have a pack stashed up on the roof.
[later, on the roof, as Robin climbs up:]
Ted: Uh-oh.
Barney: Uh, I'm awake. And I'm smoking! Robin, you know how dangerous it is to wake a sleep-smoker? Dear God.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Hey, great show, Robin.
Ted: Yeah.
Lily: [raspy voice] Yeah, but that Don guy, what a tool.
Robin: Well, no, he actually apologized to me.
Lily: No, I mean when he stood up. Those briefs were pretty revealing. You should date that guy.
Robin: [laughs] Yeah. Not in this lifetime.
Future Ted: [v.o.] They were dating within three months, but more on that later.

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