‘Landmarks’
Season 6, Episode 23 - Aired May 9, 2011
As a committee gets ready to decide whether The Arcadian is a landmark, Ted is torn between his feelings for Zoey and his career, not to mention Barney's.
Quote from Future Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, this is a story of landmarks. There are certain moments in life when you have to decide which things you can stand to see torn down, and which things you have to preserve, no matter what. Such a moment came for all of us in May of 2011, at a special meeting of the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission, where the fate of The Arcadian would be decided once and for all.
Quote from Marshall
Mr. Horvath: Okay, it's killing me. What rhymes with "beck and call?"
Marshall: Wrecking ball. Don't go swinging no wrecking ball.
All: AH.
Quote from Marshall
Ted: But here's my point: If they ask GNB's chief architect, aka me, if The Arcadian should be a landmark, and I say "yes"?
Marshall: [imitates explosion] That... No, that wasn't The Arcadian being destroyed; that was GNB's hopes of destroying The Arcadian. I'm sorry, I should have been more clear.
Zoey: Yeah. The Arcadian's gonna be all like... [silent]
Marshall: Nice.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Secondly, Ted, I'm sorry I said mean things about Zoey. Are you really going to walk away from this project just because you're mad at me?
Ted: It's not because I'm mad at you. Barney, The Arcadian was designed by a guy named John Clifford Larrabee. And even though he's been dead for half a century, it's my duty, architect to architect, to keep his work alive. Please tell me a little part of you understands.
Barney: I understand. Zoey has magic lady bits.
Ted: What?
Barney: Zoey's lady bits are magic, and that's how she controls your mind. You see, every few hundred millennia, lady bits leap forward...
Lily: I know you're only just getting started, but this is already gross.
Quote from Barney
Ted: Barney, this is about the building.
Barney: Come on. This is so about the girl.
Ted: Okay, fine. It's about the girl! I am doing this for Zoey! I'm in love with her. Look, I know it's early, but there's a very good chance Zoey might be the mother of my children. So, in addition to doing this for John Clifford Larrabee, I'm also doing this for Luke and Leia.
Lily: Wait. She's gonna let you name your kids Luke and Leia?
Ted: Not if I knock down her favorite building, she isn't. Barney, I'm sorry.
Barney: Oh, you're not sorry now, Ted Mosby. But you will be. You... will... be. [evil laugh] That's how you do an evil laugh. Ciao for now.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, kids, you remember Arthur Hobbs, Barney and Marshall's old boss at GNB? Well, Arthur was going through a divorce and taking it kind of hard.
Barney: Hi, Arthur. Everything okay?
Arthur: No, everything's not okay. My stupid wife got custody of Tugboat. God, I should have
kept her hidden in a cage in the basement.
Barney: Isn't that animal cruelty?
Arthur: I'm talking about my wife.
Barney: Oh. That's fine, then.
Quote from Barney
Barney: So listen, you know Ted, the architect?
Arthur: Yeah, I know your friend Ted.
Barney: So, if Ted stood up at that big meeting tomorrow and said that he thought The Arcadian should be a landmark, you wouldn't just fire him, would you? Right? You wouldn't just... You wouldn't just... Yeah...
Arthur: No, Barney. I wouldn't just fire him. I'd also fire you.
Barney: Come again for Big Fudge?
Quote from Barney
Arthur: Have you already forgotten how Mosby got that job?
Barney: By being the best architect available?
Arthur: No.
Barney: By... being Latino?
Arthur: No. Let me refresh your memory. We were in this very room.
[flashback to Barney meeting the directors of the company:]
Barney: Guys, I'm telling you, if Ted Mosby isn't fantastic, fire me.
[present:]
Barney: Damn it! I was kidding?
[flashback:]
Barney: I'm not kidding! Oh, by the way, Arthur, uh, how are things with you and your wife?
Arthur: Really good. In fact, I just put all my assets in her name. Smartest thing I've ever done.
[present:]
Barney: Damn it!
Quote from Robin
Robin: The point is, this thing with you and Zoey? I can see it going three possible ways. There's the first scenario. The chairman asks you...
[fantasy scenes at the landmark committee meeting:]
Mr. Horvath: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
Robin: [v.o.] You say...
Ted: No.
Robin: [v.o.] And Zoey dumps you on the spot.
Zoey: We're done here.
[reality:]
Robin: There's the second scenario.
[fantasy:]
Robin: [v.o.] The chairman asks you...
Mr. Horvath: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
Robin: [v.o.] You say...
Ted: Yes
Robin: And you're happy for, like, a second, until you realize the building you helped save has just become a monument to everything this woman made you give up, and you resent her for it, so much so, in fact, that you dump her.
Ted: We're done here.
[reality]
Ted: You said there was a third scenario.
Robin: Right.
[fantasy:]
Robin: [v.o.] The chairman asks you...
Mr. Horvath: Do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark?
Robin: [v.o.] But before you can answer... You're hit in the neck with a blow dart fired by the ninja Zoey's ex-husband hired to assassinate you.
Ninja: [in Japanese] "We're done here".
[reality:]
Robin: That one's less likely.
Quote from Lily
Lily: I'm with Ted on this.
Ted: Thank you.
Lily: I mean, yes, this is a huge, divisive issue for them. Which means no matter what happens, there's gonna be
a lot of resentment. Probably lasting for years, infecting every single moment of the rest of their relationship. So, in conclusion, I'm with Robin on this.
Robin: Thank you.