‘Knight Vision’
Season 9, Episode 6 - Aired October 21, 2013
Barney lines up three potential mates for Ted over the wedding weekend, but will he choose wisely? Meanwhile, Barney and Robin are caught in a lie by their minister, and Daphne helps Marshall prepare his case as he gets ready to tell Lily about his job offer.
Quote from Ted
Barney: I recommend Sophia. I strongly feel that you should strongly feel her
Ted: Well, I guess it's decided then.
Cassie: Ted, right?
Ted: Yeah.
Cassie: I'm Cassie. Something tells me that we are gonna have a lot of fun this weekend. Ha, ha.
Ted: [to Barney] Cassie. I pick Cassie.
Knight Templar: You chose... poorly.
Quote from Lily
Robin: Hey, there's our minister.
Lily: Oh, what a sweet-Iooking old. Aah. He looks scary.
Barney: Looks can be deceiving, Lily. But not in this case. He's a mean old tool.
Lily: Oh. He can't be that bad. I'll get him to come around. Hi, Reverend, I'm Lily Aldrin, the maid of honor.
Reverend: Not too much honor. You're dressed like a whore.
Quote from Marshall
Daphne: So, what's going on? Why aren't you telling your wife you got an offer to be ajudge?
Marshall: Lily had her heart set on us moving to Rome. So I have to tell her in person. That way, I know that I can convince her we need to stay. In the courtroom, they call me "The Convincer."
Daphne: They really call you that?
Marshall: I convinced them to call me that.
Daphne: But you prepare for your court cases. Did you prepare for talking to Lily?
Marshall: I don't need to prepare, okay, I can craft a nice... Thingy. Oh. Wow, I am totally... The twisty metal thingy?
Daphne: You're screwed.
Marshall: I'm screwed.
Quote from Ted
Cassie: I'm sorry, Ted, I don't know. I'm just so tired of this routine. We flirt, we have a few drinks and then we end the night with meaningless sex.
Ted: Oh. Yeah. Me too.
Cassie: Do you wanna start the night with meaningless sex and then flirt later?
Ted: You are a visionary.
Quote from Ted
Cassie: Oh! Oh. It's work. Should I get it? Or ignore it? Or get it? Oh! Or ignore it? Or get it?
Ted: You know, go ahead, get it.
Cassie: Okay. Ahem. [answers phone] Hello?
Knight Templar: You chose poorly.
Cassie: [on the phone] I'm fired? But teaching there was my dream job. And you guys are my only friends. You all hate me? Can I at least say goodbye to my kids? My kids all hate me?
[Ted tries to back away from Cassie, but as she starts to sob she pulls him back and cries on his shoulder]
Ted: Oh. It's okay. So, what were we about to do? I think it was, uh, meaningless something? Meaningless socks? No, it wasn't meaningless socks.
Quote from Ted
Ted: [inner monologue] Man, this girl is a drag. If I hurry, I bet I still have a shot with Sophia. Okay, I'll get one more drink with Cassie, then bail. But where, bar or dining room? Bar or dining room?
Cassie: For my fourth date with Wesley, we went...
Ted: Cassie, let's get one more drink in the dining room.
Knight Templar: You chose...
[later:]
Cassie: Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Cassie's Dad: Hey. We just ordered appetizers. Sit down, you two.
Knight Templar: Poorly.
Quote from Marshall
[fantasy:]
Marshall: Lily. Hi. I missed you and your hairstyle so much.
Daphne: [voicing Lily] I missed you too. I can't wait to show you how much in bed tonight.
Marshall: Okay, that's creepy.
Daphne: Don't break character.
Marshall: Okay. Um... So, listen, I got this phone call last week and l...
[reality:]
Daphne: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Acknowledge her own views on the matter first. Start over.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Why'd we lie?
Robin: We have to come clean.
Reverend: Frankly, I am appalled.
Barney: I know. L...
Reverend: Your friend Lily just tried to pass off your sweet story of how you met as her own.
Barney: That lying little tart.
Robin: I am horrified and relieved.
Reverend: Does Lily have any problems that you're aware of?
Barney: Drinking.
Robin: Drugs.
Both: She's been drinking drugs.
Quote from Barney
Reverend: If you two want to get married in my church, you'll stop breaking the 9th Commandment.
Barney: No fat chicks?
Reverend: Thou shalt not lie.
Barney: With fat chicks?
Reverend: You're killing me. You're killing me.
Quote from Ted
Ted: [inner monologue] Now's my chance to leave. No, I'll wait five more seconds so I don't seem too eager. Four, three, two...
Cassie's Dad: Thanks for keeping our daughter company. She can be a drag, huh? We're gonna go have a little fun. See you.
Knight Templar: You're on fire tonight, bro.