Stella: Hey, did you get the beer?
Ted: Yeah, I got 144-pack. The rest is in the trunk.
Stella: And did you sign up for the membership?
Ted: No.
Stella: Why not?
Ted: There was a line for the photos... My hair's a mess... I don't want to move to New Jersey.
Stella: What?
Ted: I can't do it. And I can't see any reason why you and Lucy shouldn't move to New York.
Stella: Well, my daughter goes to school here. All of her friends are here. I've lived here my whole life. My whole family is here. This is my house. I'm on the PTA, and as of June 1, I'm the deputy mayor.
Ted: Yes, but my apartment is really close to the subway.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2008, I had a little problem.
Ted: Alright, I gotta get to Stella's.
[Barney enters MacLaren's wearing an overcoat]
Barney: Tonight is the big night. I tried before, I failed every time. This time, I am gonna do it. Tonight, I pick up a lesbian. Robin, I need your lipstick.
Ted: Oh, man! Take pictures, alright?
Barney: Bye, Ted.

Future Ted: [v.o.] I lived in New York, but Stella was living across the river in New Jersey...
[By the time Ted reaches Stella, she is asleep on the couch]
Ted: Oh, man.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Which meant I was always taking the train.
Man: What's up, Ted?
Ted: Hey, Matisse.
[Ted arrives back at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: Theodore!
Barney: T-Diddy! You missed it.
Lily: Robin got that national anchor job.
Robin: And we got a free bottle of champagne.
Marshall: But it's empty now.
Ted: Oh, man.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And, as a result, it seemed like I was missing out on everything.
[When Ted arrives at Stella's, she and her daughter are already eating]
Ted: Oh, man.

Stella: Are you okay?
Ted: Yeah, okay. It's just that... You know, I want to hang out with you guys, I want to hang out with my friends. I just feel like I'm spending all my time on the train.
Stella: Okay, how about this, why don't you ask your friends to come out here some time?
Ted: That's a great idea.
[later, at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: You want us to go in New Jersey? Oh, that's rich.
Ted: Why?
Barney: Well, for starters, I don't have any of my gold medallions anymore. I sold them when they went out of style, 400 years ago.
Ted: Lily?
Lily: Oh, sorry, Ted. I am a born and raised New Yorker. I am programmed to despise and hate New Jersey and all that it stands for.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So that Saturday, as Robin went off for her first day at her new job, we're all headed across the river to experience some of that crazy New Jersey night life.
Ted: Okay, Stella couldn't find a sitter, so we can't go out. Instead, we're all gonna hang out here, and it's gonna be just as awesome.
Stella: Right? We got board games, we got movies, and I think there may be some beer, out in the garage.

Marshall: Ted, this is pathetic! It's Saturday night, we should be out at the bar, drinking alcohol! Now, I know that that sounds depressing, bordering on tragic, but it's just a fact.
Barney: Yeah, and I want to take another crack at that chick, Doris. I know I can land that lesbian plane.
Marshall: No snakes on that plane.
Barney: [laughs, high-fives Marshall]

Ted: Okay, guys, come on. you promised. Let's just hang out here, try to have fun. I mean, we're all together, friends hanging out. Isn't that what really matters?
[long silence]
Lily: Okay, if we take the next train, we could be at MacLaren's by 11:00!
Barney: We can be there by 10:00?
Lily: No, I have to change first, I'm not walking into MacLaren's smelling like New Jersey.

Stella: Wow. You guys really hate it here?
Barney: What? No!
Marshall: Stells.
Stella: No, no, I get it, I mean you guys are all New Yorkers, you need to hang out at a bar. Well, you could, just hang out an the coolest bar in state, which is so close it will blow your mind. [in the basement] And boom goes the dynamite. The coolest bar in New Jersey.
Lily: Yeah, it probably is...
Ted: This is great! We've got darts, half a ping-pong table, a fish bowl, look what turned out to be an awesome night as promised. Maybe we can drop some Bacos in here, and make them fight.

Stella: So who wants to play Scrabble?
Lily: Sure, why not.
Stella: Oh, heads up. The X tile is a little hard to read because, a couple years ago, it went all the way
through my dog. [all groan] You know, maybe we should get a dog again, when you move in.
Ted: When I what?

Barney: [fist still raised] Hey guys, I bet that dog was really flying high after it swallow the little X. Nailed it! Come on!