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Season 5, Episode 16 -  Aired March 1, 2010

Ted's friends try to convince him that he's being strung along by an attractive woman, Tiffany (guest star Carrie Underwood), who never seems ready to commit to a relationship.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Come on, Lily. You have to get Scooter off the hook. Now try again.
Lily: Teacup pig, I don't want to be with you. [stares into its eyes] Right now.
Marshall: Man up!
Lily: Teacup pig, I don't want to be with you. Ever!
Marshall: Finish him!
Lily: We will never be together in any sort of sexual way ever again!
Marshall: Nice. Sort of a weird thing to say to a pig.
Lily: It felt really wrong.


Quote from Ted

Tiffany: Anyway, I just don't think you and I are gonna work. [whispers] Right now.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's when it hit me. I was on the hook. I also realized...
Tiffany: I missed this so much, baby.
Future Ted: Tiffany was on this guy's hook. It was a vicious cycle. Henrietta was on my hook. And years later, I found out this poor bastard was on Henrietta 's hook.
Ted: You know what? We're not gonna work, ever. I'm done. And it's really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs. Now I'm done.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Marshall, I can do this by myself.
Marshall: Okay. Well, then, prove it. And grab me a pudding.
Lily: Listen up, Scooter, there is no way you and I will ever be together. [Scooter stares longingly into Lily's eyes]
Marshall: Right now!
Lily: Marshall!
Marshall: I'm sorry. But he's adorable.
Lily: Listen, I don't want to be with you.
Marshall: Right now. Hang in there, Scoots. I'm not gonna live forever.

Quote from Ted

Robin: No! What did you do?
Ted: I seriously considered just marrying her out of sheer awkwardness. But I did what I had to do. I did what anyone keeping someone on the hook should do. I broke her heart.
[flashback to Ted in Henrietta's apartment after the accidental proposal:]
Ted: Henrietta, I'm sorry if this is blunt, but I think I owe you this. I don't want to be with you.
Henrietta: Right now?
Ted: Ever.
Henrietta: But we're still getting married, right?

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Um... Who's buying canned chili and not eating it immediately?
Marshall: Amen, sister. [high-fives]

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