Barney: Congratulations. You're hired. You are Goliath National Bank's newest executive strategy coordinator.
Quinn: What is an executive strategy coordinator?
Barney: It's three corporate-sounding words which, when added together equal a fake job for which you get a real paycheck in the amount of exactly what you'd make stripping. Plus dental. You're "welcs." Now about that up-against-the-window sex?
Quinn: Dude, I don't want to work for a bank.
Barney: Why not?
Quinn: Because I have standards. You people are whores. The things you're willing to do just for some money, it's shameful.
Barney: You work in a strip club.
Quinn: Yeah, and I like it, and I'm good at it. Barney, if I took this job, you would own me. I would be willingly
stepping into a cage... which is something I don't do. Except on Thursdays, when it's cage night at the Lusty Leopard, but that's a cardboard cage, and I can get out of it any time I want.
Barney: You can? Wow. Thanks for ruining cage night.

Lily: Hey, baby, listen, I'm sorry I flipped out.
Marshall: No, that's okay. To be fair, maybe I'm at fault for loving our child too much... although that is the definition of parenting, so...
Lily: All right, good makeup. Hey, listen, I went online and I found this baby boot camp thing that they're doing at a hotel in Paramus this weekend.
Marshall: Baby boot camp? That sounds great.
Lily: Yeah, it's a two-day event.
Marshall: We're going.
Lily: And there's lots of seminars and classes.
Marshall: You've already made the sale.
Lily: Anyway, I signed us up.
Marshall: Not even listening anymore. Mentally packing and trying to figure out the best way to get to Paramus without hitting any tolls. This is gonna be great!

Holly: And that was the last time I'll ever go out with a guy with a mustache.
Ted: [inner monologue] This is good. This is nice. Not thinking about you-know-who. Just having a good time... and thanking God I didn't grow that mustache.
Holly: And you, you're so polite. My ex-fiance, Wayne, he had no manners.
Ted: [inner monologue] Wayne had no manners. Wayne Manners. Wayne Manor, home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman, mentor to Dick Grayson, his orphaned ward, who at night would don the colorful vestments of the Boy Wonder, a.k.a. ... Robin!
[Ted sees Robin]
Robin: Holy long walk for a short drink of water, Ted.

Holly: And that's the story of my only lesbian experience. I'm sorry for going into so much detail. I'll never tell that story again. Anyway, how's your meal?
Ted: Holly, listen, I should probably tell you, um... I'm kind of getting over someone right now.
Holly: I am so glad you said that. I guess I'm still getting over Wayne. It's been really hard.
Waiter: Can I interest you in some sorbet? You two look like you could both use a palate cleanser.
[later, post-coital:]
Holly: How's your palate, Ted?
Ted: Pretty cleansed.

[After falling asleep in the car with Lily, Marshall wakes up:]
Marshall: Oh, baby, you smell good. When we get to that hotel, I'm gonna wear your pregnant belly like a hat.
Barney: You'll have to buy me a couple of cocktails first.
Marshall: Bar-Barney? Where are we?
Barney: Atlantic City, baby! Well, in 14 miles.

Marshall: What the hell is going on? And where is Lily? And what did you do to the practice baby? And is there any left?
Barney: Lily was worried about you. She thought you needed to unwind, so... She made reservations for two deluxe rooms, massages and dinner at The Palm, and, in return, I made her cookies.
Marshall: So there's no baby boot camp at the Paramus Waldorf? Is there even a Paramus Waldorf?
Barney: Bro.

Ted: Why are you still here?
Robin: [imaginary] Why do you think I'm still here?
Ted: I guess because I'm in love with you. Why else would I be seeing your face everywhere I look?
Robin: Because you feel bad.
Ted: Of course I feel bad. I told you I love you, which is apparently the worst thing you can say to someone.
Robin: That's not why you feel bad. You feel bad because after you said it, you let me go away. I know our relationship isn't exactly what you want it to be. And I know I may not love you the way you love me... but I do love you. Isn't that worth hanging onto?