Future Ted: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Cindy and I were having a lovely evening, except she wasn't kidding about her roommate complex.
Cindy: And another weird thing about my roommate, she does these bizarre paintings of robots playing sports.
Ted: Yeah, that is weird.
Future Ted: I was lying. That sounded awesome. Your mother's robot volleyball watercolor is hanging up in the den as we speak.
Cindy: Yeah. And she has this crazy habit of making breakfast food sing show tunes.
Ted: That's just bizarre.
Future Ted: Your mother's rendition of Memories as performed by an English muffin is, to this day, the most hauntingly beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Barney: We cremated the remains. His buttons saved the life of a sick little jacket on the Upper East Side.

Karina: Barney, I'm so sorry about your friend. Tell me about him.
Barney: He was Italian. Classy, elegant. And boy, did he have a way with the ladies. They just couldn't say no.
Karina: How old was he?
Barney: Seven. [crying] I miss him so much!

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you never know when you're about to meet someone really important. It's not like life gives you a warning. You just look up and there they are.
Man: Come on, we're going to go get trashed on the roof.
Future Ted: No, not that dude. Her.
Cindy: I'm good, Boomer.
Man: My name's not Boomer.
Cindy: Oh, in my head, it is.
Ted: Gentlemen, I'm a faculty member, and you're underage, so it's my duty to confiscate this and this and... Hard lemonade? You know what, Boomer? You can keep that.

Cindy: I swear, every week I get asked by some frat guy to a kegger, and I say, " I'm a PhD candidate writing a dissertation entitled 'Foreign Direct Investment and Inter-generational Linkages in Consumption Behavior.'"
Ted: And what does frat guy say to that?
Cindy: "That's hot."
Ted: [laughs] Actually, that is kind of hot.

Cindy: Ted, I have a confession to make. I recognize you. Do you remember the first day of classes last semester? Econ 305?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you remember the wrong classroom story. I thought I was in Architecture 101, but it was Econ 305. Of course, what I didn't know was that your mother was somewhere in that class, and she thought I was a complete idiot.
Cindy: I thought you were a complete idiot. But a very cute idiot.
Ted: So, um, do you ever date cute idiots?
Cindy: Almost exclusively.

Ted: She's a PhD candidate. She reads philosophy for fun. She does the Sunday crossword every week and finishes it.
Barney: Wow. Ted, I am so happy for you. Sorry, not for you, happy I'm not you.

Robin: She's really not that hot.
Ted: Oh, is someone jealous of all the attention? Did somebody fancy herself the hottest girl in the bar?
Robin: Gosh, no. Shut up!

Robin: See? Marshall doesn't think she's hot either.
Lily: Yes, he does. Baby, you don't have to pretend other women aren't attractive just for my sake.
Marshall: [scoffs] I know, and if that woman were anywhere near as hot as the woman I'm married to, then I'd admit it. But she's not.
Lily: Baby, you're so sweet, but compared to that woman, I am a big bag of three-day-old garbage.
Marshall: Well, I call 'em like I see 'em, and I just think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.
Lily: See, that's just annoying.

Barney: Hey.
Karina: What do you want?
Barney: Drop the act, baby doll... Wait, what?
Karina: Are you gonna order a drink or are you just gonna stand there looking stupid?
Barney: Um...
Karina: I don't know how to make an "um." Is that equal parts vodka and get-the-hell-out-of-my-face?