Barney: Did you say "Gary Blauman"?
Marshall: Yeah.
Barney: Gary Blauman?
Marshall: Yes.
Barney: Blauman, comma, Gary?
Lily: Point, comma, get to the damn.
Barney: I... ... Iove that we have the opportunity to destroy Gary Blauman's weekend by kicking him out of the wedding!
Ted: Yes! Gary Blauman haters club, right here.

Barney: No! I refuse to look down from the altar as I say my vows to the woman of my dreams and see that damned stupid accidental-curly-fry-stealing Gary Blauman.
Billy Zabka: Did you say "Gary Blauman"? I... hate to disagree with Barney, but I love that guy. I just met him earlier today.
[flashback:]
Gary Blauman: Oh, my gosh. It's you. You're the poet William Zabka.
[present:]
Billy Zabka: Nobody ever recognizes me for my poetry. He has all six of my collections. When Terry Gross interviewed me on Fresh Air, he listened live. Gary Blauman rules.

James: Gary Blauman? I... hate... that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman.
Lily: Ooh, this sounds good.
James: Gary's the guy that I had an affair with. Tom found out, threw me out of the house, and now the kids are from a broken home. Because of Gary Blauman, everything that matters to me is gone.
Barney: I got that beat. So I was ordering fries...
Ted: Wait, wait, wait. Blauman's gay? Then that means that night, the real battle was between Blauman and the girl. And the prize was this guy.
Marshall: Figured something out.
Barney: Keep telling yourself that.

Ted: Lily. Out-of-court settlement. Drop this whole thing and I'll give you 10 bucks.
Lily: No.
Ted: I can't go higher than 10.

Marshall: This was a tough one. Lot of good points on both sides, but ultimately, Blauman stays.
Barney: What in the...?
Marshall: For one simple reason. There is a higher law at every wedding, a law that trumps all other arguments. When the bride asks for something, she gets it.
Lily: Yes.
Billy Zabka: Good point.
Ted: Wow. He's right.
Marshall: This fake court thingy is adjourned. Judged.

Ted: Well, I guess let's go find Blauman and tell him the good news.
Barney: Yeah, about that, bit of a wrinkle. I was just in the hallway, ran into Blauman. I told him if he didn't leave immediately, Zabka was gonna crane-kick him in the face.
Billy Zabka: What? But that's not even my move.

Ted: This is your place.
The Mother: Yep.
Ted: You sure it's not a few blocks that way?
The Mother: Nope, it's right here. It's right where you picked me up.
Ted: So it is. Well, good night.
The Mother: Good night.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Eight years earlier, I probably would have given some embarrassing speech, confessed my love, scared her off. But I didn't. Because somehow I just knew this was all gonna work out.
The Mother: Ted?
Ted: Oh, thank God.
The Mother: Do you at least wanna finish your story?

Ted: So we all ran out to the parking lot and...
[flashback:]
Barney: Blauman. Blauman. I'm sorry. You can stay. Billy won't kick you in the face.
Billy Zabka: It's not even my move. If I was gonna do anything, I'd sweep the leg and put you in a body bag.
Everyone knows that.
Gary Blauman: What, is that from one of your poems?
Billy Zabka: Thank you for that.
Ted: Please stick around. For the bride. You're not a Taft. Even if you are, Roosevelt shouldn't have divided the party. I mean, he handed the election to Wilson. Right?
Gary Blauman: Completely, right?

James: Hey, Barney. Do you still have my wedding ring?
Barney: Yeah.
James: I've got some work to do. Excuse me.

Future Ted: You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it.
[present:]
Ted: So I guess good night.
The Mother: Good night. [they kiss] Unless... Do you wanna walk around some more? It's still early.
Ted: Sure.
The Mother: What are you doing?
Ted: Remembering this.
The Mother: Come on.