Ted: And you'll find one. And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey.
The Captain: When you put it that way, I should almost thank the doorman.
Ted: Yeah, yeah! And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now...
The Captain: It doesn't, it really doesn't.
Ted: It doesn't. [opens door] It's me. You're welcome. [runs away]

Barney: All right, Robin, give it to me.
Robin: Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! You know, I- I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend, when you meet someone, I'm like, "Yeah, Barney, go get her!" But you know what? Just forget it. You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you.
Barney: The number. Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... Is that a seven or a nine?
Robin: It's a five, idiot.
Barney: A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five?
Robin: "Moon man language"? What does that even mean?
Barney: How am I supposed to see that's a five?
Robin: Look how you taped this up...
Barney: Fine, fine, fine. I have a phone call to make.
Robin: Barney. Go get her.

Ted: Listen, Zoey, I need to ask you something. Did I steal you?
Zoey: Well... yeah. You did. By being the kind of sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think of stealing someone, you stole me.
Ted: So I'm the bad guy. Great.
Zoey: Well, the story isn't over, Ted. It'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. I mean, yes, divorce sucks, but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things.
Ted: If you say so.
Zoey: I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it.

Lily: Okay, Marshall, seriously, what's going on?
Marshall: He'll never get to see how I turn out.
Lily: What do you mean?
Marshall: My dad. You know, I used to, um, I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. And he was always so proud of me for that. But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. And now it's too late. And we're starting a family, you know.
Lily: Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family?
Marshall: Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me. The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever.
Lily: Marshall, if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, then you need to do that right now. And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans and saved the planet - you know, like, a year from now -
then we'll start a family.

Marshall: So far, in the name of saving the planet, I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back and I got Meeker fired. The guy must hate me.
Lily: Meeker doesn't hate you.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. But as luck would have it...
Meeker: Are you guys...?
Wendy: Closed. [bag of bottles rips open] Sorry. [Meeker helps tidy up] Thanks.
Meeker: Rough night?
Wendy: Yeah. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Except for Marshall Eriksen.
Meeker: What did you just say?
Wendy: Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. Why, do you know him?
Marshall: Know him? I hate that guy.
Wendy: Me, too.
Meeker: Well, hey.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And the rest, as they say...

[2021:]
Meeker: ...is history.
Wendy: And three kids later, we decided to come here on our second honeymoon.
Older Ted: Wow. That's a pretty good omelet.
Wendy: Oh, and hey, what about you? You still with Zoey?
Older Ted: No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl, we have two kids. It's actually a funny story of how we met. I was a best man at this wedding...
Wendy: Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run.
Older Ted: Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you.