Robin: So, Barney, I hear you and Nora had a fun time at laser tag.
Barney: I don't know where you heard that. It was a disaster.
Robin: Not according to her.
[flashback to Barney and Nora at laser tag:]
Nora: Oh, my God, this was so much fun. We have to do this again.
Barney: We do, we have to. You want to grab a drink right now?
Nora: No, I'm kind of tired. But, this is my number. Give me a call.
Barney: Absolutely.
[present:]
Robin: How is that a disaster?
Barney: She didn't want to get drinks. And as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks, well...
[flashback:]
Barney: You want to grab a drink right now?
Nora: No, I'm kind of tired. [Barney drowns Nora out]
Barney: Absolutely.
[present:]
Barney: It's a shame, too. She was a really great laser tag partner. She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids.

Robin: Please, Cheese. You like this girl.
Barney: What? Nora? No, I don't.
Robin: Barney, you can't say her name without smiling.
Barney: That's... Nora. Sorry, sorry. I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said.
Robin: Mmm.
Barney: Stop it. No... ra. Nah... Damn it, what is the matter with me?

Robin: You like her. You should call her.
Barney: Call her? Robin, three things: she had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase.
Lily: That is ridiculous. Barney, you know what, here's some advice. [Barney drowns Lily out]
Barney: Totally.

Zoey: Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box I left at my old apartment?
Ted: Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. I mean this in a super manly way. That guy scares the panties off me.

Marshall: All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. But it's all worth it, you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. All right, see you guys later.

Ted: I'm worried about Marshall. He doesn't seem like himself lately.
Lily: Yeah, he's been really... quiet.
Robin: Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like: strong, silent, you know, man's man.
Barney: Like Prince.

[Barney stares at Robin]
Barney: 18 weeks.
Robin: Damn it. Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell.
Barney: Hmm.
Robin: But I just started a new job, and dating's been on the back burner, and...
Barney: Shh. Child, listen. If you're really hurting for it, I'd be more than happy to throw you one.
Robin: Throw me one?
Barney: Yeah. We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. Or we could just do it the normal way.

Lily: Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed?
Marshall: I can't sleep.
Lily: Mmm. Anything I can do to help you with that?
Marshall: Maybe after this documentary on garbage.
Lily: Man, I am losing my touch.

Announcer: [British accent with a lisp] Nearly twice the size of Texas, the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch, or "Garbage Island," is an enviwonmental disaster. Sepawated from its pawents, this young bird stwuggles to survive, stwangling itself in the plastic wings of a six-pack. Marshawl Ewiksen, I think you know what you have to do.
Marshall: I have to save the planet!

Future Ted: [v.o.] A few days later, I headed over to The Captain's building to get Zoey's box.
Ted: I'm here to...
The Captain: Ted. What a surprise.
[later]
The Captain: Ted.
Ted: Captain. I...
The Captain: You've come to rescue me from the capsized wreckage of my marriage.
Ted: Mm...
The Captain: I hesitated calling you because I know you and Zoey were friendly.
Ted: Pssh, nah...
The Captain: But my wife has left me. All my friends have abandoned me. Please, tell me you're on my side.
Ted: [laughs]
The Captain: Let's adjourn to the study.