Lily: Marshall, why is this such a big deal?
Marshall: Why is this such a big deal? Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. Some dude named Scooter. Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this: "One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter." Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve before you did...

[flashback to Ted talking to Katie at the Empire State Building:]
Ted: Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. I was your age my first time.
Katie: Oh, really?
Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly.
[flashback to Ted on his bed with Molly:]
Molly: I love you, Ted.
Ted: Oh, I love you, too, Molly.
[five minutes later:]
Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't.
Molly: That was amazing.
Ted: Look, I got to go.
Molly: Where are you going?
Ted: My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going out to the woods to light 'em, it's gonna be awesome.
Molly: Well, will you call me?
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you.
Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't.
Ted: Molly?
Molly: Yeah?
Ted: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.
Ted: [v.o.] But I didn't.
[back to the Empire State Building:]
Ted: And I never saw her again. I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and that's exactly what I did. Look, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. Even the nice ones.

Robin: But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you.
Ted: Yeah, well...
[flashback to Ted and Molly kissing on the bed]
Ted: I love you, Molly.
Molly: Oh, I love you, too, Ted.
[twelve minutes later:]
Ted: Wow. That was amazing.
Molly: Look, I got to go.
Ted: Wh- Where are you going?
Molly: Uh, my cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going into the woods to light them. It's gonna be awesome.
Ted: Will you call me?
Molly: Yeah. I'll totally call you. Oh, Ted?
Ted: Yeah?
Molly: Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back.
[back:]
Ted: But she didn't.

Robin: I love you. I said it. Feels right. I love you.
Ted: I'm gay. I'm kidding. I love you, too. [Ted and Robin kiss] Hey, you lost your I-love-you-ginity.
Robin: Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you remember my first day with Robin. Well, here's the thing, normal people, you know, people who aren't your dad, usually take longer to say "I love you." Robin went through the usual stages.
[flashback to Ted, Robin and Barney in the apartment:]
Robin: Spider! Spider!
Barney: I left something in the hallway.
Ted: Where?
Robin: Right there.
Ted: Got it.
[Ted kisses Robin. Barney returns]
Future Ted: First there's the moment when you think you think it.
Ted: Whoa, still alive.
Future Ted: There's the moment you think you know it.
[flashback to Ted comforting Robin in bed:]
Robin: Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick.
[two days later, Ted is sick:]
Ted: Totally worth it.
Future Ted: There's the moment where you know you know it, but you can't yet say it.
Ted: All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow?
Robin: Good night.
Ted: Good night.
Robin: Wait, Ted?
Ted: Yeah?
Robin: Good night.
[The next morning, Ted walks into Robin's apartment as she's on the phone:]
Robin: Well, great, I'll see you then. Bye, sweetie. [to Ted] Hey. Guess what? My sister Katie is coming to visit next weekend. She gets in on Thursday.
Ted: That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take off work Friday. We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building.
Robin: Really? You'd do that?
Ted: Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building.
Future Ted: And then there's the moment where you know you know it, and you can't keep it in any longer.
Robin: Ted.
Ted: Yeah?
Robin: Falafel.

Robin: So I've never been on the freeway this long before. I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit.
Lily: Yeah, been there. I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. Okay, it was Marshall.
Robin: It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it.
Lily: Relax, it'll happen when it happens. Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing.

Robin: Oh, here comes Katie.
Lily: Aw, your sister's so cute.
Robin: Yeah. This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack.
[Katie is kissing a guy]
Lily: Well, hello Kitty.

Katie: Hey, Robin. How are you?
Robin: Oh, good. Good. So, who is this... tongue person?
Katie: Robin, this is my boyfriend Kyle.
Kyle: Looks like hotness runs in the family.
Robin: Oh, you said that. Great.

Robin: So how long have you two been...?
Katie: Two whole months.
Kyle: Yeah.
Katie: He's actually coming to visit family in New York, too. Isn't that great?
Kyle: My cousin. He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so...
Robin: That's cool. This is my friend Lily.
Kyle: Hot.
Robin: You say things!

Robin: I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: Speech to talk a girl out of having sex.
Ted: Yeah, I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions.
Lily: It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas.
Robin: That's why I need your help.