Lily: Good catch! I almost just blurted out that Barney used to date Robin!
Quinn: Barney used to date Robin?!
Lily: [screams] When did you get in here?
Quinn: Like, ten minutes ago when you said, "Hey Quinn, let's all go hang out in Marvin's room."

Barney: Aufwiedersehen, fraulein. You know, I hate to perpetuate the stereotype, but German female wrestlers from Saxony are just begging for it.
Quinn: You dated Robin?
Barney: Verdammt!

Lily: She lets you fart in front of her?
Marshall: Barney, you go get that girl.

Klaus: Oh, God! You cannot tell anyone that you saw me. I cannot get married today!
Ted: Klaus?
Klaus: Oh, I'm a mess. I threw up in the cloakroom, I blamed a small child. I cannot get married. I left a note.
Ted: Good for you. Not everyone thinks of that.
Klaus: Who doesn't leave a note? It's common courtesy.
Ted: Thank you!

Barney: Look, there is nothing going on between me and Robin.
Quinn: And why should I believe that?
Robin: Well, for starters, I have a boyfriend.
Barney: No, Robin, you don't have to do this. There have been enough lies.
Robin: I'm not lying. His name is Nick. I didn't want to jinx it by telling everyone, so I just told Marshall and Lily. You can tell 'em, guys. We were just talking about this earlier today.
[flashback to Robin telling Lily and Marshall:]
Robin: ... I have no desire to get Barney back because I'm with Nick now and, well, I don't want to be crude, but I want to spend all day licking his abs. Do you understand?
Lily: Yes! God, yes!
Marshall: You are preaching to the choir, sister.
[present:]
Marshall: I stand by it.

Nick: Okay, well, I'm glad I left work early for this. Robin, maybe later we can discuss the meaning of the word "emergency" and the phrase "Trapped under a car."
Robin: Okay.

Barney: You know he has chicken legs. Little tiny chicken legs. You guys saw those, right?
Quinn: Honey, it's not cheating if I lie down on the bar and let Nick do a shot from my belly button, right?
Barney: Say what now?
Quinn: Barney's on board! Nick, hold on!

Ted: Uh, excuse me.
Klaus: Oh, hey, it's you.
Ted: Ja, okay, I'm not sure what kind of vibe I was giving off before, but I am not interested in your schnitzel, okay?
Ted: No, no, no, no, no. God, no. I just have one quick question: Victoria seems like a great girl. Why wouldn't you want to marry her?
Klaus: Ach, okay, Victoria ist wunderbar. I'm sorry, wunderbar is the German word for wonderful.
Ted: Yeah, no, I know.
Klaus: Oh, you speak German? Sie sprechen Deutsch? Ich habe keine Freund, die Deutsch sprechen in Amerika und und es macht mir so einsam!
Ted: No. No, no, no. No, just... Just... Just the one word.

Klaus: Ah, okay, Victoria. There is a word in German: Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz. And the closest translation would be, "Lifelong Treasure of Destiny." And Victoria is wunderbar, but she is not my Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz. She is my Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand, you know? You know wunderbar but you don't know Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand? That is something we learn in kindergarten. I'm sorry, "kindergarten" is the German word for...
Ted: No, no, I know that one.
Klaus: Oh, okay. But you don't know Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand? You are maddeningly inconsistent. It means, "the thing that is almost the thing that you want... but it's not quite." Das ist Victoria to me.

Ted: How do you know she's not Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz? I mean, maybe as the years go by, she'll get Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz-ier.
Klaus: Oh, nein, nein, nein. Lebenslanger Schicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body. In your hands. In your heart. In your stomach. In your skin. Of course you feel it in your Schlauchmachendejungen. Pardon my French. Have you ever felt this way about someone?
Ted: Yeah, I think so.
Klaus: If you have to think about it, you have not felt it.
Ted: And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday?
Klaus: Of course. Everyone does eventually. You just never know when or where.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And he was right. Unfortunately, the "when" of it was still a little ways down the road. But the "where" of it?