‘Farhampton’
Season 8, Episode 1 - Aired September 24, 2012
Robin's anxiety on her wedding day to Barney leads Ted to tell the story of how he convinced Victoria to leave her jilted fiance a note before they rode off into the sunset together.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Hey, Barney, uh, we've gotta talk. Um, Quinn just asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Isn't she even a little weirded out that you and I used to date?
Barney: Quinn doesn't have a jealous bone in her body. She rolls with the punches. She...
Robin: Doesn't have a clue.
Barney: No, she does not.
Quote from Ted
Ted: "Klaus, there is no easy way to tell you why I won't be marrying you today. Have a great summer, Victoria." That's it? No, no, we gotta do this right.
Victoria: Well, you can't write it. One look, it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's handwri... Oh no, we're good.
Quote from Ted
Victoria: "Klaus."
Ted: Just "Klaus"? Come on, give it some heart, the poor guy.
Victoria: "Dear sweet Klaus..."
Ted: "Sweet?" What, are you still in love with this jerk?
Quote from Barney
Robin: So Quinn has no idea that we used to date?
Barney: None whatsoever.
Robin: Okay, Barney, think this through. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn...
Barney: Oh, God, you have a point.
Robin: Haven't gotten to it yet.
Barney: [anxious laughter] Of course. Continue.
Quote from Barney
Robin: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn and keep this secret? I mean, she's gonna find out.
Barney: Quinn's never gonna find out because I've destroyed every piece of evidence that you and I were ever a couple.
Robin: That's ridiculous. You couldn't have gotten rid of all of it.
[montage of photographs in which Robin has been removed. Barney eats spaghetti, "Lady and the Tramp" style, with nobody else there. Barney is in a hot tub and his arm is around somebody who's been removed. Barney hugging a tiger]
Robin: You replaced me with a tiger.
Barney: I couldn't completely get you out of that one. Had to get creative.
Quote from Marshall
Robin: Well, I'm glad that deleting our entire time together was so easy for you. But I guarantee you: Quinn is gonna find out eventually.
Barney: No, she won't. I just need your help. Yours, too. I know you're out of it, but you have to promise not to tell Quinn, okay?
Lily: Tell Quinn what?
Barney: Exactly.
Robin: No, she's really asking.
Marshall: Tell Quinn what?
Quote from Ted
Ted: Can't climb the drainpipe.
Victoria: What?
Ted: When I was in fourth grade, I couldn't climb the rope in gym class and all the other kids made fun of me, even though it wasn't my fault. I had to go after Efthimios Papajapoulos. The rope was slick with lamb grease!
Quote from Ted
German woman: Can I help you?
Ted: Hi. I'm the church handyman. I'm here to fix the broken thing. It's busted.
German woman: The bride is taking a "schnooze." She asked me to stand watch so that no one disturbs her.
Ted: I'll be quick.
German woman: You will be dead. I used to wrestle in Leipzig.
Quote from Barney
Victoria: No, you were right, I have to leave a note. It's common courtesy.
Ted: Well, it's not gonna be possible with Andrea the Giant standing guard up there.
Victoria: Oh, right, Klaus's sister.
Ted: It's too bad Barney's not here. Man, he lives for bridesmaids.
Victoria: Right, but he's not. And it's not like he could seduce Uta over the phone.
[elsewhere:]
Barney: [on the phone] Challenge accepted! [to Quinn] Honey, it's not cheating if it's on the phone, right?
Quinn: Say what now?
Barney: Quinn's on board!
Quote from Lily
Lily: I found it kind of insulting that Barney doesn't think we can keep this secret. I mean, yeah, Marvin's keeping us up all night. But he's still the prettiest little girl in the city.
Marshall: Baby, did you just hear yourself? You said, "Prettiest little girl in the city." I think you meant "country".
Lily: Yeah.