Victoria: You know, I think I have a solution.
Ted: Interested.
Victoria: And, to preface this, we're not going to sleep together tonight.
Ted: Less interested. [Victoria laughs] Go ahead.
Victoria: Okay. So the thing that always screws it up is the next day, right? So, why don't we just cut that part out.
Ted: What are you saying?
Victoria: I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, and this is a big, romantic wedding. Why don't we just dance and have a great time and then when it's over, never see each other again.
Ted: Unless...
Victoria: No, no unless. No emails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. And then, when we're old and gray, we'll look back on this night and it'll be perfect.

Marshall: Dude, that is just, like, a weenie ass idea.
Ted: No, it was awesome. I had a great night, I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night I had the best cake of my life. You think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and then I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you, huh?
Marshall: It haunts me.

Victoria: We're not gonna kiss tonight. [Ted pounds keys on the piano] If we kiss, all of this becomes real. You, you might use too much tongue, or not use enough and then suddenly, poof, spell's broken.
Ted: I will use exactly the right amount of tongue.
Victoria: Okay, how about this? The best part of any first-kiss is the lead-up to it, the moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll. So, how about, tonight, we just stick with the drumroll.
Ted: Okay.
Victoria: But we can't kiss.
Ted: Okay.
[Victoria and Ted lean in as to kiss, but then pull away]

Ted: Her name's Victoria, that's all I got. Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know.
Lily: Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. Call her then.
Ted: Yes, two weeks, good idea. I'm calling her now.
Lily: No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon.
Marshall: Yeah, come on, dude. Ask her about the cake.

Claudia: [answering phone] Ted?
Ted: Hey, Claudia, great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl and I was wondering if you had...
Claudia: Oh, you have got to be freakin kidding me.
Stuart: Oh, here we go.
Claudia: 24 hours ago, you were begging, begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding, and now, what, you're over her?
Ted: I've moved on.
Claudia: What was her name? Was it my fat cousin, Lindsay? Don't be embarrassed. She has pretty eyes.
Ted: Uh, no, her name was Victoria, I don't know her last name.
Claudia: Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards.
Ted: Thank God.
Claudia: Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted.

Barney: [answers phone] This better be good, I'm about to enter nirvana. By the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage. Say what?
Nirvana: Barney. [kicks Barney]
Barney: Ow. I know the house rules. Es un chiste.

Barney: Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day. I have to wait at least, like, forever. Oh snap. Never gonna call her. Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India.

Ted: Okay, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. You make this call and I will go with you to Foxy Boxing.
Barney: Really?
Ted: Yeah.
Barney: But you always said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing.
Ted: I'm ready to be proven wrong.
Barney: Tonight?
Ted: Tonight. Dial.

Barney: [on the phone] Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps until tomorrow. Yeah, I know, sucks. Just one fewer day I get to help people. Anyway, this girl, any idea who she was? Hold on. [to Ted] What kind of shoes... [on the phone] Tanya, he's a dude. He's not gonna know what kind of shoes she was wearing.
Ted: Actually.
Barney: Oh, come on.

Lily: Okay, let's not lose hope. We'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori...
Marshall: Or Ictor. She probably doesn't go by Ictor.