‘Dowisetrepla’
Season 3, Episode 7 - Aired November 5, 2007
After Marshall and Lily decide to get a place of their own in an up-and-coming area of New York, Lily worries that Marshall will learn about her mountain of credit card debt. Meanwhile, Barney uses the apartment to hook up with a woman.
Quote from Barney
Barney: So, uh, the owners, where are they?
Realtor: Oh, they're on vacation in France for 2 weeks.
Barney: I see. Between you and me, i'm also interested in this apartment. So is there any way I could come back later and check it out while you're showing them other places?
Realtor: The lock-box combination is 14-21, and here is my card.
Ted: Are you serious? You're trying to sneak this apartment away from Marshall and Lily?
Barney: Ted, do you think I have no morals whatsoever? I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment so I can nail her once and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster!
Quote from Lily
Lily: Marshall, I just... I don't know if now is the right time to buy.
Marshall: But we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. Can't you imagine starting a family here?
[fantasy scene: Lily paints with her two red-headed daughters]
Lily: Oh, Persephone! Oh, Daphne! These'll be perfect additions to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met.
[A turtle-neck wearing Marshall brings them crepes while carrying a cat]
Marshall: Looks great girls. Who wants crapes au chocolat?
Girls: Merci papa.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: I think this right the place where lily and i start a family, I can see it now.
[fantasy scene: Marshall playing drums with his three blonde-haired boys:]
Marshall: All right, bring it home, boys!
[Lily comes in with chocolate pancakes and a baby in her hands]
Lily: Sounds great boys! Who wants chocolate pancakes?
Marshall: Thanks mommy!
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Now if you are thinking about buying an apartment, it's always good to check the place out at night.
Barney: Welcome to my humble abode.
Woman: This place is so nice.
Barney: Ah, make yourself at home. Please get comfortable. If you see something you like, just take it.
Woman: [holding a picture] Who are these people?
Barney: Uh... That's my parents.
Woman: They're Asian.
Barney: Yeah, they're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby, it works both ways.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Whoa.
Robin: What?
Ted: There was a fight here.
Robin: What do you mean?
Ted: Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.
Robin: Oh, God here we go. He had a detective club as a kid.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Uh, The Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases.
Robin: The Mosby boys? You mean you and your sister.
Ted: We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.
Robin: Let me guess, it was in the garbage.
Ted: Why are you like this?
Quote from Ted
Ted: Anyway, this is serious. I know Lily and Marshall. All the tell tale signs are here. Like this
Robin: A water bottle.
Barney: Don't touch the evidence. [to Ted] I got your back partner.
Ted: It's not just any water bottle. Notice the label is peeled off.
Ted: [v.o.] Lily always peels labels off the bottle when she's feeling guilty. This lab is not only peel off but torn up. Oh man, she must have done something bad. Which means Marshall must have been really angry, and when Marshall gets realy angry, he eats.
Quote from Ted
[Ted picks up a Ben and Jerry's ice cream container from the kitchen floor:]
Ted: Just as i suspected, Cherry Garcia. Given the liquid consistency, I place the fight between... [licks finger] noon and 1.
Robin: Ew, that was on the floor.
Barney: If you want to get to the bottom of this, you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll face.
Ted: Marshall stood here. Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. Lily stood here. Crying. [Ted lifts a tissue from the counter]
Robin: Ew, Ted!
Quote from Ted
Ted: And then Marshall tried to storm out, but Lily went for the Hail Mary Pass. Which would mean... [Ted finds a bra under a pillow on the sofa].
Barney: What do you think, make-up sex?
Ted: No, there'd be a bigger mess. Tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset. [v.o.] He had to get out of here, any way he could. He choose the door slamming it behind him.
Robin: Which Is why this picture is crooked.
Ted: Nice catch, Robin.
Barney: I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. [Barney grabs the bra, but Robin snatches it away from him]
Ted: Now all we need is a motive. The million dollar question what were they fighting about?
Robin: I know what they've been fighting...
Ted: Bup, bup, bup, bup... There's only one possible conclusion. Lily and Marshall are fighting about peanut butter.
Barney: Ah!
Ted: Lily left the lid off... [Ted put dark sunglasses] and Marshall blew his.
Quote from Robin
Robin: I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter.
Barney: Robin, just...
Ted: I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman.
Barney: Just...
Robin: They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.
Barney: Robin, just...
Ted: What?
Robin: Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore.