Marshall: [on the phone] So, you want me to be a judge?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: And I would start a week from Tuesday?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday?
Man: No.
Marshall: Got to be a week from Tuesday?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: And I'd be a real judge?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: With a robe?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: Gavel?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: Wacky Southern accent?
Man: No.
Marshall: [in Southern accent] Now, counselor, are you absolutely sure?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: And I have to be in New York for this?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: I can't telecommute?
Man: No.
Marshall: I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge?
Man: No.
Marshall: Could I be a hologram?
Man: No.
Marshall: Animatronic robot like Abe Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents that I control from afar with a joystick?
Man: No.
Marshall: Do you remember the giant Jor-El head from Superman?
Man: Yes.
Marshall: Well, what if I...?
Man: No.
Marshall: Is there any way that I could do this and also spend the next year of my life in Italy with my wife?
Man: No.
Marshall: This is such a big decision. I'm not good at big decisions.
Man: Are you sure you want to be a judge?