[flashback to eight years earlier:]
[As keys rustle and the lock turns, Marshall waits behind the apartment door with a baseball bat, ready to swing]
Marshall: Oh, thank God it's just you.
Ted: You are being ridiculous. [takes the bat] Tell me, you left the apartment today?
Marshall: Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? It's... It's disgusting.
Ted: Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged.
Marshall: What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street gang.