Lily: Hey. How come you're not getting uncomfortably close to my face? I could be in on it, too.
Ted: 'course you could, Lil.
Lily: I can keep a secret.
Ted: Lily, don't make me laugh. I'd trust you with a secret as much as I'd trust Marshall with Pop Secret.
Lily: I can keep a secret! I can keep a secret real good. I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 'cause it is nobody's business. 'cause it's a secret, And I'm keeping it!
Barney: Does Marshall shave his back?
Lily: No, I shave it for him. Damn it!