Ted: [on the phone] She doesn't have daddy issues, she has granddaddy issues. I'm ending it.
Barney: Ted, I beg of you, don't quit on a body that won't quit. Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet on a bumper sticker. That's going in the journal.
Ted: Wait, did you steal my dream journal?
Barney: No! Now, get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for.
Ted: Bastard!