Barney: Oh, my God. Look at this. My letter from the postmaster general. I still can't believe he took the time to write this.
[flashback to young Barney reading a letter:]
Young Barney: "Dear Barney"...
Postmaster General: "I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party. That's why none of your classmates showed up. Not because you threw up when they turned the lights off at the planetarium. Ah, no one even noticed that. Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore and, with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning she's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool. Love, Postmaster General."