Future Ted: [v.o.] Yes, my mom was lapping me. Getting married for a second time, before I was even married once. I was so happy for them, so freaking happy. Still, weddings can be magical. For all I knew, I'd end up sharing a dance with my own future wife there.
Woman: And if you don't boil those jam jars, it's just a welcome mat for bacteria.
Future Ted: That wasn't her.