Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, everyone has one or two moments when they make a huge, crazy decision that changes their lives forever. This is the story of mine. It all started with a visit from my mom and her long-time boyfriend, Clint, who was always saying stuff like...
Clint: Ted, your mother is a very, very erotic woman.
Ted: Please don't.
Clint: As a painter/songwriter/volunteer fear fighter, I find her incredibly sexual. But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you?
Ted: Please don't.
Clint: Exiting her womb. Receiving her milk. You get me? Good.